You know how i spent all of black friday on the plane? Well guess who's getting a x-mas gift from skymall?!!??
I told him that he could only go home with me if he didn't talk or tell me his name
So apparently when I was 2, I went around drinking everybody's beer at some wedding, then passed out in a corner....
This explains a lot.
Btw, I'm creating an event on fb to celebrate the one yr anniversary since we went to jail.
my tonsil wound opened up during the kegstand but i stopped it with a popsicle
no more heavy drinking durning the lady that cleans the office told me i have to emtpy my own thrash if i puke in it
Unemployment check just came in. As soon as I stop pretending I have morals I'm buying weed. Puff puff pass uncle sam.
holy fuck that shirt looks so good on him, it was like he was born with it on. that shirt deserves a blow
You may be in san diego, but I just watched a guy in a wheelchair sing walking in memphis for karaoke. Check and mate.
2 men making out for 2 seconds to trick a cop so they don't get arrested for being pulled over rolling a blunt is not gay.
But how will the next generation learn about life choices without a Jersery Shore?
The sex is great, I just think it'd be better if we listened to Deftones during it.
My cat is watching me play with my new vibrator
I've had more sex since the twins moved in than I'd had in the previous four years. They are the best wingman ever.
I was grinding with girl while I was eating french fries, and she turned around to hook up with me. She ate my fries.
Randomize
