I just woke up in bed next to my teacher. Does that mean I'm passing now?
I just need you there to slap my dick when im flirting with her
He kept singing "who's that peekin in my window" we thought he was high til we realized someone was lookin in the windows.
I'm just saying, asking "Are you happy with me?" during a handjob is simply unfair and scientifically inadmissiable.
Rachel and his cat watched us 69 last night. I pretended to be embarrassed the next day... But to be honest I like an audience
The front desk girl just had that condescending welcome-home-from-your-walk-of-shame face on
It was probably because you set your bra on the couter while you found your ID...
now that I know that you did coke with your mom I can't look at her the same
I think I'm in love. He's everything I ever wanted for myself, just with a lot more drugs.
he wouldn't lick chocolate syrup off of me because he's vegan. most awkward shower ever.
Are the transvestites working the counter tonight? Last time I was there they gave me love advice.
Happy 4th. Did you guys get your syphilis thing taken care of?
DUDE. HOLY FUCK MY PRINCIPAL WAS JUST MY UBER DRIVER. I AM LITERALLY TRAUMATIZED. ANS DRUNK. HOLY FUCK OMG
Well, I can now cross "dirty drunk homeless hobo" off of my bucket list of people who have been successful wingmen for me. North Carolina is getting weird.
and idk now I have nine bags of lettuce in my fridge
Go have a frustration cry and get over it
Randomize
