I had a disgustingly explicit dream last night involving myself and lil wayne.
Threw up 3 times on the lawn mower and then proceeded to crash it into a tree root and break it.
Sketchest drug deal yet.... I just got paid in quarters and chucky chesse tokens. I need to stop hooking my friends up.
i love being in ibiza. their hotels are much more receptive to walking around naked in the lobby than our american ones.
guy just got out of the car at the drive in and told his girlfriend "fuck you and your taco" and walked off
Good point, clearly my love of penis contributed to my torn knee ligament.
No, I googled it. Apparently, male thongs are the next snuggy and a lot of guys love wearing them for the support.
I can't straight up say the only reason I smoked a couple bowls with you was for your three legged cat
I'm high. Everything has a 45° angle. That is as far as my eyes open
My lunch = taste testing salsas for A&P. They gave me a free 64oz grape juice as a thank you. So, now we have something to drink in the house. So while you are spending all the money on breakfast rolls and pizza for lunch, I'm cigaretteless and whoring myself for tablespoons of salsa and free juice.
What did we do last night and why in the fuck were there carrots in my pocket?
Woke up to I'm AWESOME written in purple crayon all over my walls. I love drunk me
You took nana to a bar?!
she suggested it
I spent half my night explaining that i'm in an open relationship to the guys that I liked, and the other half of the night explaining that I have a boyfriend to the guys that I didn't like.
Yeah everywhere i go i feel like a 3rd or 5th or (2n+1)th wheel. That's right, i'm a mathematically depressed drunk.
Randomize
