He's gotten way too comfortable around me. He came into the bathroom and took a shit while I was in the shower.
I told them I got hit by a car again and now im pretty sure they think im being abused but there was no way in hell the truth was going to fly. Employed people aren't supposed to break their faces in piggy back ride accidents.
I'm sick of being the only unemployed member of the group. Doing things alone isn't partying. Its sad.
Some idiot from high school is in the hospital for bonging three beers up his ass
He should have died. Natural selection.
So I feel like I should have had a going away party for your dick. Complete with balloons and cake. Yeahh that's right. I'm gonna miss it.
But you can't tell me I give the best blow jobs and then not break up with your girlfriend who has fucking TMJ! Come on!
She's high and running across rooftops. Yes we're going to end up in A&E again.
I have a present for you
Like a legit gift, not just me showing up and getting naked
it will be just like last year but no clogged toilets and more costumes.
Happy birthday and sorry I punched your friend in the face
The highlight of the night was definitely when you starting telling ppl you could shapeshift and "proved" that by stripping.
My fart just smelled like the inside of white castle, I mean spot on, no difference whatsoever.
My ex just brought my grandpa weed. Not sure how I feel about this.
If he doesn’t slap your ass with his drumsticks, then I don’t wanna hear about it.
I don't even remember what dignity looks like anymore. I JUST WANTED TO ROAST SOME POTATOES
Randomize