$35 all you can drink last night. Friend 1 woke up in a hotel lounge, friend 2 pissed himself and woke up wearing friend 1's spare pants, and my toilet indicates I threw up extensively.
Totally saw a hot amputee. I think this is called character growth.
Is it bad to use cherry nyquil as substitute for grenadine? Because i just went there.
Nah, totally cool. It already has the alcohol in it.
i walked toward the cop car thinking it was the liquor store lights nd by that time it was too late to escape the trap
I'm shutting down my vagina temporarily...it's like the last two weeks were a going out of business sale...and now it needs a break...
It feels like I've shaved away my winter coat and my vagina is going to freeze if I go outside.
There are at least 3.6 billion human cocks in this world. Get some. Get as many as humanly possible. Literally. Do it. 1-2-3 go!
Also, I am ligit concerned that I might compulsively start collecting vibrators like Pokemon.
As an added bonus, you will have a "25 blowjobs a month" voucher, expiring thirty days after the first initial bj.
lol i'm looking through my photos and there's this giant section of just dudes wearing murses
I am about five seconds from ripping off my clothes and throwing myself into the ocean to become a mermaid
she's the poster child for how alcoholism can be fun.
Stop calling me, Mom. I'm in his closet. You're gonna blow my cover and I'm about to catch this lying SOB.
Yeah, sorry about that. Dropped the phone on my face while I was watching porn.
Ok here's the plan: birth control, KFC, handcuffs.
Randomize
