new low: just stole a ciggarette from a bum sleeping on the side of the street.
ohh what kind?
There is a distinct lack of front teeth here.
I got a Cease & Desist email from NBC for downloading Bruno. I am not going down for gay porn.
Is puking blood really that bad of a sign? Can we pretend this is okay?
It's okay.
I feel as though the word "tired" has become synonymous with "too high to manage the stairs" lately
Some random at the bar just whispered in my ear that he wants to eat me out while on bath salts....
I am no longer drunk enough to crave tostitos
THE CEO RESPONDED TO THE MEMO WITH HIS "UNICORN" EMAIL ADDRESS AND NOW HE'S APOLOGIZING TO EVERYONE FOR USING HIS PERSONAL EMAIL AT WORK.
If I just skip sleeping, does hangover still happen? Gonna try it. Will report back. StTAND BY
Thank you for helping a fellow gay friend today. You are sublime and deserve free tickets to the Ellen show
Thanks for coming out I think haley is drunk enough for breast milk White Russians
It will be too late. I will have fornicated with the enemy by then.
Nothing ruins an orgasm faster than accidentally calling out his boss's name
I just had a 30-minute convo with an irrelevant fuckboy from college who decided to tell me FOUR years later he’s sorry for sleeping with 3 girls at once including me.
The police officer that arrested me Friday night just bought me a shot
Randomize
