I woke up at 11 this morning in my car parked in front of the bar.
I know, I tried to wake you up, but I couldnt. So I walked home
When the moon hits your eye like a big pizza pie, you're a dumbass
You probably shouldn't be hiding under someones bed listening to them get head
We should have parties more often. I ended up with 90 beers and someone cleaned my toilet.
He upper decked the toilet, got himself lit on fire 6 times and lit 4 other people on fire in the course of 3 days.
He filled our room with little plastic cups of beer so the only way I could get out was by drinking them all.
I need a Xanax. A Veggie Delight. And exhibition style sex.
Steve called. He needs me to pick him up. He also asked for a set of his clothes, he can't find them. He is such a strong motivation to stay sober.
PROFESSOR JUST TOOK A SHOT WITH US BEFORE CLASS. WELCOME TO THE LAST DAY OF FINALS.
Guy just came in wearing only shorts, on his hand was written - my name is ... Call ... And tell them where i am, thanx - in permanent marker, ordered his favorite dish, and left w/out touching it. It's snowing outside.
A valentines day commercial would come on while I'm masturbating...
fuck it. from now on whatever room i wake up in, i'm stealing clothes from. this walk of shame shit is too much without pants
preface to our conversation: my vagina hurts.
DUDE I FINGERED JOE'S MOM, PLS DONT TELL HIM, MORE LATER
What's that? Is there a bottle of Jack calling me? I think so...
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