Have you learned any life lessons?
I like big butts and I cannot lie.
PS the last 3 guys I've hooked up with were a CEO, a mechanical bull operator and a magic the gathering player...I need a type...
Ur type is ready and willing
The producers of Marley and Me owe me about $5 million. That's the dollar amount of embarrassment compensation required for making a 24-year-old male cry publicly on an airplane while sitting in the middle seat between a gorgeous babe and a guy with a do-rag
No, I can't hang out with Dave because he already has a girlfriend. The one with the tatoos of cherries on her "cherry." Yeah, she doesn't really make me feel spectacularly comfortable.
I'm good, just tired from chardonnay and giving hand jobs.
I will make out with the first guy who tries to pick me up with a lyric from a rap song. I won't even reply, just be on him like whoa.
I thought she was mad at me, but then we did a pose off and I realized we're friends for life
Then she called me a home wrecking whore.
dont they live in a condo? that doesnt count.
Dude i thought about you literally the second after I came. This friendship is starting to cross some serious boundaries
cliffnotes. writing studyguide on last pack of smokes. glad this semester is over.
Honestly... isn't she a psych major? how does she go through life NOT realizing that everything she does is a cry for help?
And thanks for putting me in that safety position on the bathroom floor while I was spooning the toilet
I fucked a marine... I told him it was like personal revenge and he said he could live with that and that he didn't mind being used.
You told me you were going to invite all of your Tinder matches to the same bar on the same night and make them compete for your affection in a series of Lust Olympics. Winner gets laid.
Pandora played an ad for a free trial for an abortion pill if you’ve had unprotected sex in the last 2-3 days and then Lucky came on... I literally am dying laughing
Randomize
