He ate me out. It was like watching him trying to win a pie eating contest
i just compared eating a chick out to "gargling a cheeto"
you freaked out because you thought your face lotion was cum in a bottle
Y'know, without the cops, it would've just been us daydrinking,
Come scavenge bits of tuna out of my chest hair
she peed on how many people?
It's so cute when the exchange student uses "blowjob" as a verb.
He kept waking up periodically throughtout the night to bit my ear and pass back out.
I would like to apologize once again for rubbing your thigh with my hands and face for a very long time last night.
Is it bad that I feel proud to be the first one to puke in the apartment? And I did it in style?
You straight up painted the counter with steak, tequila and beer. You owe me a knew toothbrush.
Sometimes I just want to serenade his penis with cheesy 80s songs.
Ok so I didn't mean for his first impression of me to be lying face down on his roommates bedrooms floor throwing up my jäger but it happened. Atleast my ass looked good in those jeans. Think I still have a shot?
I'm about to be a GTA V widow, he could at least throw me a bone. Literally.
death bed.
death patio
stfu you slept on the patio!?!
I SHOULD BE TERRIFIED OF HIS DRAGON DICK.
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