you know you were way too high when you wake up next to a handwritten list of all the things you'd do for a Klondike bar
It was all about her orgasm last night. I felt like a human dildo.
they ran out of ice so they are using frozen shrimp in their drinks
I tried to put a seat belt on in the shower. And I'm 80% sure I ate soap.
The dentist told me I have super glue on my teeth. I'm not blaming you I just want to know how that happened
oh wow I have been there. Hell one time Matt and I woke up naked with pizza rolls in the bed.
I'm like a walking PSA for tequila shots
the fat guy in me is very excited, and the skinny guy in me is very excited for the fat guy in me
It's was about average. But he had a tat on his thigh that said "pull-out n' rollout" so I won't have to worry about a round two request.
I didn't want to but I was drunk in a Disney bathroom with her and had a weak moment.
But I REALLY want to hide my crazy for as long as possible with him so he'll date me.
I've just never heard the term serendipitous used to describe having one's asshole licked.
Good new is, my parents are alive. Better news they will be in the hospital all weekend. Best news is im having a house party. All weekend.
He eats kale on the regular. Do I look like a bitch that wants to eat kale. No. Give me some Boston market.
Idk if I want to put a bra on
Randomize
