yeah i fucked her in the storage room on the inflatable mattress. i don't know if i should feel proud for me or bad for her.
Next time I say "Watch this" Get me the fuck out of the bar.
Thank you for getting us into that car accident. I have had more guys hit on me than ever before because of my broken fingers.
Idk yet. Trying to convince him to get a phoenix bird tattoo first
He puked on the grill while the burgers were on. We had to go to taco bell
I'm skyping with my parents and reading Cosmo articles on giving great head. I'm on a roller coaster that only goes up, baby.
Yo I found your batman costume.... It was in my pool with a shitload of beer cans
but im not going to tell the owner of the penis of my dreams how to wear his hair.
Hey I know you're not home, but I'm here. Your front door is unlocked and someone took shit on your doormat...
You burned the hair off your arms. Again.
It grows back stronger each time.
I was looking at our sex bingo and pretty much every single row or column has at least one kind of person that is harder to find than all the rest
We've made things harder for ourselves
The struggle will be part of the fun
we're at the bar celebrating my ex bootycall getting his new gf pregnant... and me narrowly escaping a future as kitty foreman
well ya only live once...
that cant be your answer for every horrible thing you do
i stood outside in the bushes for thirty minutes. Do you know how many drunk guys pee in bushes at 2 am?
I don't think it's a coincidence that the day I just happen to do the splits at the gym I come back with 7 guys' phone numbers.
Randomize
