if you wake up with plaid pants on your floor in the morning, you made a bad decision.
if i get killed by an online date, its your job to tell my parents that we met at church
hearing that almost makes me feel good about peeing on the coffee table
It's confirmed I did eat a ping pong ball last night...
Apparently "he pulled out..mostly" is not a valid reason for thinking there's no way i can be pregnant to the nurses at the student health center.
I just feel as thought we should spend the day in which we celebrate relationships the same as how we started them. Drunken hook ups.
I HAVE A PRESENT FOR YOU AND ITS NOT MY VAGINA
just found out i can blow out the flame on the grill lighter fill my mouth with butane and ignite a fireball
his finger was half off and he was more concerned that he wasnt at home shooting cucumbers out of his potato gun.
Just got my stitches out.. Now I can give a proper hand job
If by "Are you drunk?" you mean "Did you just faceplant in the checkout line at Target?" the answer is yes.
Did you take the full box of samoas or do I not remember getting baked and eating half a box by myself?
I should've left when he told me that he only smoked crack by accident once
Dude I woke up with a handprint shaped bruise on my ass, a pong ball in my cleavage, and somebody else's gold chain around my neck. Who's house am I in?
I remember waking up on the bathroom floor and seeing my teeth behind the toilet
Randomize
