listen. just hotwire a car, take off the license plate, make up a new one on a sheet of paper and go the speed limit. i do it like, at least 3x a week.
she says her boyfriend and her dignity are both out of town tonight
Currently listening to 'Just Put it in Your Mouth.' remember when i went through that phase?
The walk of shame is far, far worse on crutches.
so while trying to be a healthier drunk i discovered that putting airborne in natty is not an advisable decision
she's using the space heater to try to heat up a pop-tart...
We just found a knife wedged in between the cushions on the couch you guys fucked on...why is this?
Just saw ur booking photo. Love that u were already wearing orange. Its like u knew
We are casual work acquaintances that occasionally fuck when the urge strikes. CWATOFWTUS. I know FWB rolls off the tongue better but it is what it is.
Tell me you didn't really piss in the hookah.
It sucks laughing and vomiting at the same time, trust me. I kind of remember
My boss just high fived me after finding out i made it through lunch rush rolling on molly. To think this guy used to terify me.
I feel like I owe her child an apology or something after blowing my load on the tattoo she has of her.
Dude, I can't even reach my asshole to wipe it. I have a lot more to be thankful for this Thanksgiving.
I can't help you there
I may or may not have tried to give myself a lobotomy
Randomize
