Deffinety need to stop having sex on the beach just took a dump and it was mostly sand
HER PREGGO ASS BROUGHT SPEGHETTI-O'S... IN HER PURSE.
"Take a picture of me motorboating molly" was probably not my best career move
if i actually bought condoms for every time i had sex, i could single handedly fix the economy
Be there soon... with munchies, blow jobs and shoulder rubs.
How are you not embarrassed to know me. I'm a mess right now. I'm a walking, talking tornado of embarrassment
I'm in the middle no shirt white shorts humping the white dustbuster next to the guy shooting off the tazer infront of the two guys humping on the bicycle
If tits could talk, mine would be bragging
So I'm going to regale you with a tale of someone who went out, was fed way to many shots, got super wasted and now has a date with one of the security guards from the building but has no idea what his name is. That someone is me
We joked about how funny it would be if he got pulled over with 300 breakfast burritos in hus car. We walk outside of the school just as the police lights turn on and pull him over
It was a mess. I sat on the kitchen floor with maple whiskey and cried into a bowl of poutine. I've never even been to canada
I know I'm not a hook-up kind of chick but he is a firefighter & an EMS worker. I felt like maybe I'd be a good person if I let a good person inside of me
I mean, I already saw his dick in person and wasn't impressed so why is he sending me a picture of it, anyway? I hate re-runs!
I think the God that I only kind of believe in, definitely hates me.
Someone had to wrestle her in the chocolate pool, I'm glad I was man enough to step up and do it
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