Microwaved placenta is very unpleasant.
As a driver I hate pedestrians, and as a pedestrian I hate drivers, but no matter what the mode of transportation, I always hate cyclists.
I can now tell my grandchildren Central Park has really great spots for quickies...
Dont tell her I prefer to have an aura of mystique surronding me and my penis.
I'm sorry I peed on your everything.
You got her pregnant one week before your vasectomy? You couldn't wait one week to cheat on me?
I think this agreement was sent by God. I get to do my own thing, get laid, and he still makes me breakfast in the morning.
Also, even though this really sucks now, we will look back on this one day and laugh at the time we all got arrested on Thanksgiving
I crawled out his bedroom window, forgetting he lives in a split level and there is a 10 foot drop back there. I had to text him to come help me I twisted my ankle.
you told the police officer you wanted to be just like her one day but not a lesbian
What section do you want to sit in? The screaming girls section or the "when you guys were popular I was straight and pretended not to like you guys" section?
Bored of what? I stayed up all night researching sex toys because I'm excited to do things with you that I haven't done in 29 years of having a body.
It's like we're in an emotionally distant three-way and there's not even sex to show for it.
Stop talking and go back to bed. You're in the kitchen in your underwear and slept in your car.
Was last night real life? Like did you really light your hair on fire
Randomize