where am i from again
I've been watching too much manswers. Cuz i know scissoring doesn't work on a motorcycle.
i just woke up to 15 people singing a whole new world
Lesson Learned this Week... If it seems too good to be true he is probably just trying to get you pregnant.
Dude, didnt you only know that guy for a month and he is demanding offspring?
Apparently, at this age my womb is an early conversation
Oh god. It's my first day here, I'm still drunk and somebody just drifted in a forklift. I'm going to die.
I smelled my fingers after she left and they smelt like sugar cookies. I want that one again.
I just figured out, there are 9 children in this world that I can look at in the face and say "I fucked your mom."
If Dave says he's going to have sex with her, he's going to fuck her retarded and turn her crazy. So run.
We were in the middle of fucking and she was just like "Do ya wanna play Harry Potter Scene It?" I musta been really bad lol Anyways, her tattoo healed nicely.
"Little drunk?" Honey you were "livetweeting" Sublime's "Sublime" album while it was playing in his car, and at one point you said you hoped they play Santeria. "Little drunk" doesn't cover it.
i'm not saying you're gay. i'm just saying all my gay friends think you have a great ass.
Spider-Man is making out with Wonder Woman while Captain Kirk feels up Princess Lea. Nice to see nerd barriers broken down at Comic Con.
All I remember is sitting on your kitchen floor and playing with a banana like it was a viking ship.
If I don't quit picking up guys when I'm drunk, I'm going to need a vagina transplant.
nothing like waking up to a voice mail saying your std test came back negative
Randomize
