I blacked out in 45 minutes and woke up with a missed call from someone I saved in my phone as the karate kid.
He said i was a degenerate twofaced catholic slut and a grade a bitch. Quite complimentary really. i guess i shouldn't insult the red wings
Did we both pass out talking about cake last night?
hey, this is the ginger girl from the party...i've thought about it and I wanna join the american girl drinking team
That bitch ruined vodka saturday
I'm not proud of how I threatened that 8 year old during drunken laser tag
I need to find more Xanax, my Grandpa doesent leave for another week and he's made it a mission to get me to come out of the closet as a xmas gift to my parents.
Just got escorted to my 7:45 class by an old woman because I was too hungover to not realize I was four floors too high.
i'm almost positive she was a dude but like it doesn't even matter
re read what you just said
You got me so high that I almost couldn't leave my house for a bar because there was nothing to lean against on the way there
Seeing Grandma lick chocolate sauce off of the male stripper was definitely not the way I planned to enter the world of legal drinking.
I just fucked her in the corner of an ally while holding a large pizza waiting on a pledge for a ride.
Who wants to play the "pick up your shit from our floor because you're not paying rent or dating either of us" game?
I SHOULD BE TERRIFIED OF HIS DRAGON DICK.
He is farting the alphabet right now. In the goddamned restaurant. You don't get to recommend men anymore. Or restaurants for that matter.
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