Writing a book: The Evolution of the Douche Bag: From Popped Collars to Ed Hardy Shirts. Doing research now.
Make sure you include chapters on white sunglasses, spray tans, and toxic amounts of hair gel.
turns out the guy i was dating because he was a cop was not actually a cop. i learned this as he got arrested by real cops.
so we had a 20 minute conversation and created the fb page WWND (what would Nana do?) last night after we took our Ambien...that is my definition of an overachiever
Thanks for stealing lime trees for me at 4:00 am. We're well on our way to having sustainable supplies for mojitos this summer.
She's the only one so far who hasn't laughed at me naked.... I'm gonna marry her.
my dad's beating me at drinking again. No matter what i do I can't win.
I was mid-pee and he walked in, claimed he was looking for his phone, and then asked if we could hook up since we were finally alone.
so yall hooked up?
I'm 2 blowjobs away from girlfriend status....don't tell me I don't know how to have an adult relationship
The gym has a pool
my gym membership just went from "way to get in shape" to "place to go swim when I'm high"
would it be completely unacceptable to smoke a cig outside naked? im already doing it so what you say doesn't matter.
We were showing our tits to everyone because it's breast cancer awareness month and we care deeply
I thought we were doing it cause it's Tuesday
I give you full permission to seriously injure me the next time I think it's a good idea to face a bottle of vodka
His name is Dustib. Not a typo. I just can't.
YOU WILL GIVE ME MASHED POTATOES OR I WILL RIP YOUR SOUL INTO 7 PIECES AND YOU WILL TURN INTO LORD VOLDEMORT
If you think I'm going to drive 5.5 hours just to bang a guy, you'd be absolutely right.
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