It was just pointed out to me in a meeting that there is a lipstick stain on my crotch.
it was worse than that time i tried giving evan head 4 days post nose job.
we couldnt find her phone in the morning so i called it and found it under the bed. my name came up as 'regret'
we just pregamed for our presentation... gotta love group bonding
God, you're like boner-b-gone
Took 45 minutes to masturbate. Fuck you Zoloft. I'm never gonna be diagnosed with depression again
hey give me heads up if you're feeling vulnerable tomorrow night
Normally I would go for him, but there's just way too much vodka under the bridge for that
i refuse to hook up with a girl that looks like drew carey.
You also thought the cure to hiccups was drowning yourself (and you were right)
How did you not realize the handbrakes were stuck?
I thought I was just out of shape.
Wow! It's so great to hear from you! We all thought you perished in Winepocalypse 2012, man.
Also we had sex while listening to fleetwood Mac on vinyl. Like the 70s called and told me to fuck off
Just waxed 95% of the hair off my vag. If he doesn't enjoy this tonight, you will, whether you like it or not.
I got confused. The music was loud, porn was playing, people were grinding, there were hand jobs.
Randomize
