Should I text him? Life is confusing when you actually like someone instead of just wanting to blow them.
i was picked up off the floor by a stripper, if thats not a new life low then i dont know what is.
It feels like Jesse James cheated on America.
Today I met the neighbor that shares my bedroom wall. When I pointed out my unit, he said, "Oh, that's you? Oh... that's you." I didn't think much of it until I was in bed tonight and I heard him clear his throat. He's. Heard. Everything.
I'm trying to make a sex playlist
record yourself crying and put it on a loop.
I just Tebowed the shit out of her.
Nice and you can't use "Tebow" in the place of every verb.
I just found a hunk of ham in my back jeans pocket from god knows when. We gotta stop going so ham.
I don't know what it was about last night, but every bar that i went to there was at least one girl there that i had done something with. I'm sure the girl that i went with knew because they all grabbed my penis and told me to call them.
I wish drunk me wasn't so into manscaping. Or at least good at it. Either or really
After sex he cried I didn't know what to do so I patted him on the back and went to the kitchen to make waffles
I needed to bring way more fireball to class to match this professors intensity
I guess I'm an especially affectionate person under the influence of tequila.
Bro. I traded my coat. I have a Raiders coat now.
You have not lived until you've slid down a waterfall fucked out of your mind. Fact.
so i might have slept on your bathroom floor last night...
Randomize
