Things overheard in WeHo: "Just drink a corona and eat some ass, you won't be hungry anymore"
Some creeps at the festival started talking to me, so I told them I was going change my tampon. Worked like a charm.
I can't tell if your life is amazing or needs reevaluation when "did I get hit with a nightstick" is a legitimate question.
You screamed at all of us and then showed us your sack. You're like the boyfriend of my dreams.
Someone in a vagina costume on campus.
Apparently, we were running around the apartment, singing into pickles, the routinely slapped our passed out friends with them.
Also, that dude projectile vomiting all over the living room was the perfect distraction for me to swipe the booze and run.
I got laid and laid off at a conference in long beach all on the same day
Eh. They balance each other out
Nurse helped me count all my sexual partners and still gave me her phone number. She shall be #73.
I had to keep telling myself 'you can't be mad at him because you peed on him'
I think I just danced on the bar. With a man named Alabama.
Thank you for turning 21. I'm going to love reading your texts.
How do you initiate sexting are u supposed to be like yo I'm peeing and eating a clif bar and texting and thinking about you naked all at the same time
Well, let's just say, I got that eye patch like we were joking about
I wanted to give everyone gifts as they left the house... So when your wondering where most of the christmas ornaments are I'm really sorry.
Ahhh, beer. My second favorite breakfast drink.
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