Hilbilly word of the day is cedar, example....I knowed she ain\'t got no panties on cuz I cedar cooter.
so the guy who showed me the apt today is now texting me and asking me out for drinks...he's at least 20 yrs oldr than me and highlights his hair, but part of me is wondering how low i can talk him down in rent during sex? wrong?
Nothing is worse than puking naked in front of strangers
4 feet of snow. teaching the cats how to snow swim. throwing them off the porch and seeing what happens.
My drug dealer is spending the weekend in my studio apartment. I feel like I've crossed a line that should never be crossed.
apparently i told her i wouldn't press charges if she brought me food.
Its 4 am and he honestly tried throwing pizza at his ceiling for decorations
and yes i will spend 10 dollars on a vibrating toothbrush to masturbate but not a calculator for my test
She texted me shhh....im drunk, secret booty call...how could i say no?
Out of desperation, I used the leftover sauce from my goat masala as a mixer for vodka shots.
What kind of gift says "I'm sorry you accidentally stuck your hands in my puke (even though you should know better by now)"?
He wanted to watch the vow, cuddle, and not have sex. An upgrade is in order.
How are you feeling this morning?
Well, I just found day old puke in my bra, so I've been better.
I'm really going to need you to stop yelling Campari.
I am texting my ex and my future boyfriend while eating fish and chips with my current boyfriend... How and when did I become such a terrible person???
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