shes trying to light up her bowl in front of the fan. everytime it blows it out she just gives it a dirty look.
They threw a beer at you on stage and then you stopped the karaoke and cussed everyone in the bar out for 2 minutes
just printed 333 ways to get kicked out of wal-mart. hello thursday night.
We've finally come to the understanding that as long as our conversation stays stricaly sexual, we get along.
Contrary to what I yelled at them last night, it turns out campus police CAN arrest people...
No its cool I don't even have to do anything he is rapping to one of the strippers. He is punishing himself enough.
I know its been a few months but you must know you hve the 2nd biggest dick I've ever seen. 1st place went to a rapper so don't feel bad.
You are so lucky you didn't go back to Tate's house. They decided to figure out who had the biggest balls... I was the judge
Your children are clinging to me like my teets are full of bountiful milkiness. They're driving me nuts. I felt my uterus shrivel up.
Can you help me get ready before work? I need a look that says I'm-happy-to-help-but-I'm-hungover-so-leave-your-attitude-at-the-door-because-I'm-not-taking-anyone's-shit-today.
I went by my nickname in rehab. It made it feel more like summer camp.
Look, as flattering as it is, I'm getting a little tired of being everyone's go-to girl for a threesome.
My moral compass cannot be waived by two measly bloody Mary's
wish he had known he had poison ivy on his cock beforehand... Is calamine okay to put on your vag?..
i just woke up in my dog's bed, on my parents floor, my outfit on backwards, and a bottle of lube poured down my pocket.
Randomize
