Got some. In a truck. I will just pee you in the morning i guess?
I misunderstood what a threesome is. Please come pick me up.
you were crying while pretty ricky was playing, what did you want me to do
You were competing with my dog to see who had the stronger bark....
I can't be the first person ever who had to explain why her bottle of orange juice had a picture of a screwdriver drawn on it
this morning i checked my reflection in the toilet as i was throwing up to make sure i still had my pearl earrings on
Sorry for trying to give you my dresser last night. Are any of the drawers still in your car?
Yeah. It's a great diet plan tho. Just have sex every time you get hungry.
YOU WERE HAVING SEX IN THE SAME BED I WAS SLEEPING IN. AND YOU GRABBED MY HAIR. OF COURSE I'M PISSED.
I can't tell if the dead thing in the yard is a deer or the guy I slept with last night...
i'm hungover but need to study so i had a vodka orange juice, three ibuprofen and an adderall for breakfast. what up med school
She's like the King Midas of sexual confusion. Everything she touches turns to gay.
Homophobes nationwide are huddled in their bunkers tonight and I can't stop giggling. Could be the wine.
By the time I realized I was watching a Danish porno with muppets it was already too late
I just texted him from the other room to come have sex with me-stress relieved
You are such a millennial
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