would it be inappropriate to describe you with the phrase "bigass titties"?
Then my mouth guard fell out of the hole, so that's how the dog poop got in my mouth.
They have edible shot glasses at target.
There really is a God.
He just asked me if his big had a curved penis. Awkward? I think so.
I'm using my ex boyfriends dog to find a guy at the park I could see fuck buddy potential in. I'm the queen of irony.
I bought you a small gift as a preemptive apology for being a drunken slut tonight.
Hangover Status: I've been bedridden longer than that kid from The Secret Garden. It's not looking good.
We attempted to microwave fifteen corndogs in the microwave and may have ruined it. Also there were fake mustaches on all of his appliances...he said he doesn't like drunk me.
They usually take it with their boobs. It's like a horizontal motorboat
Well, my eyeball is red and the rest of my eye is black. Oh the joys of drinking with u. PS- I laid in a pile of sawdust. it was ok at the time.
Saw a girl lying on her back next to a fire hydrant. Not sure if passed out drunk or sleeping under the stars
wait nvm its a dude
I feel like my foot is being amputated. Or maybe it's the vodka. I couldn't tell you.
I think sunday funday got a little out of control. There is cheese slices and BBQ sauce all over the roof and 4 empty bottles of vodka in my room.
You're my best friend, so I'm kinda scared to say this, but.....I kinda feel odd when I show up with you at your family events and I have banged or blown at least 3 people in the room
Yes I went home with her last night. I woke up this morning and ran into my boss on the way to the bathroom. Monday is going to suck at work.
Randomize
