also referred to as T.P.S. (Toddler Penis Syndrome)
proudest moment: just made a guy walk into a parked car with his mouth hanging open cause of the shirt im wearing.
last night they convinced you that a sharpie was a new style of chap stick... so when you wake up, you might want to do something about that
Just spent a extra 20 minutes on the phone with the lady from unemployment talking about how to make the best brownies.
haha she has always seemed a little off. when i met her i was told she was the queen slut. and she had a crown on at the time. it seemed appropriate.
This is John, I met you downtown last night.
Oh, ok.
This is the cop that kept you out of trouble last night
Ok here's the state of the situation: We're alone in a strange city with strange people with nothing but alcohol and sprite, I think we're gonna make it.
When I was drunk texting him about three ways he seemed more interested in just seeing me. And that's when I knew something was wrong with him
You can laugh all you want but 99 grapes is a lot stronger than what you were drinking.
There is someone out there for you right now. And we will find her. Or him. Her. Her, we'll start with tits.
I smell like thanksgiving dinner and bad decisions. Its not even thanksgiving yet.
I just need some breakup sex yanno like filthy wish fulfilling breakup sex to make me forget what I never had
I just watched your sister pour half a bottle of cotton candy flavored snow cone syrup into a bottle of marshmallow flavored vodka, take a swig, frown, and pour a cherry coke in.
Just wait until she offers you a "powerita"
I woke up in my basement holding someone else's underwear and a bottle of mouthwash . I wish I could explain more than that but i can't remember ...
I JUST WANT TO HAVE AWKWARD SEXUAL EXPERIENCES WITH HIM.
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