Jon and Kate. Drink everytime we see tears. Drink twice if a child cries. Finish your bev if you cry.
yea pretty sure we followed the trail of your spaghetti-o vomit to find the car
Abreva sucks. I applied it as directed and now it looks like I fed the herpes. They're throwing a party on my bottom lip.
The only piece of furniture in the apartment is a wine rack.
Apparently someone switched my cash for monopoly money after midnight so I couldn't get any more drinks at the bar
Sleeping with two different guys who share a driveway is getting increasingly challenging to keep secret
do you know how much drugs we can buy now that you got that raise at work
I want to get back to junior year skinny- without all the drugs.
My new successful method of booty calling is sending a screencap of a map with the shortest route from their location to mine highlighted.
also new logic of mine : I fuck a Scottish kid , Scotland national animal is a Unicorn airgo I've come close to fucking a unicorns descendent, mother always said dreams come true
Is it bad that I have more guilt over drunk eating Doritos than hooking up with my ex's best friend last night?
like, is this a date?? I'm sitting on his couch drinking a juice box while he makes taquitos in sweat pants
Can u pick up some lemons on the way? I have Tequila and a sore throat..I need them for both
Just realized that I indirectly pay for sex through my cable bill
Wow. He is an expensive lay
I still have to figure out the cost per lay. It could be a financially sound investment
It actually wasn't the first time that a guy I just met ate me out in the back seat of his car in a starbucks parking lot in the middle of the day.
Randomize
