You drink too much
No, I drink just the right amount - too often.
mom and dad googled us on the weekend. i love the internet less than i did on friday.
This girl just stopped in the middle of a sentence because of my blue eyes. She said she got lost in them. I am laying pipe tonight.
I don't know how, but he made a bong out of a hamster wheel. To say I am impressed is an understatement.
We are NOT roofying him just to get him to pass out so we can build a masive snow cock in his yard.
He passes out, I smoke his kush. All's fair in love and a disappointing lack of sex.
high as fuck. watching parent trap with my mom. keep missing my mouth.
Yea i think drunk-me kept all my bar receipts, just to throw it in sober-me's face.
Your grammar in that last text message was so awful.. My vagina wants to go crawl in a hole, and never speak to you again.
the fact that i already established a hook up buddy for thanksgiving break is genius
I'm dying. The alcohol is viciously exiting my tiny body.
the manischevitz sangria was a big hit
you can't get cum all over my hair and then tell me you just want to be friends
is it acceptable to cross the border for sex?
I just put Gatorade in my wine, cause electrolytes, you know.
Randomize
