Please, let me fuck your mom
Sometimes when I whip my dick out it looks REAL impressive. This, was NOT one of those times.
the roller ball on my blackberry is the closest i've come to touching a clit in 2 years.
I was worried if he didn't show me his penis, he would kill himself
the awesomeness of being snowed in wore off after we ran out of beer and we realized we really didnt want to be stuck with everyone.
'Well you know, stuff happens' isn't really an excuse for sticking a cheeto in my ear
I'm pretty sure I did the Macarena with a gay guy while shot gunning a beer
I just got the two most enjoyable things in life in one... Weed delivered in bubble wrap.
Told the cab driver to take me to narnia last night. Turns out there's a bar called narnia on the south side of town. We are in business
I'm taking a shit break of discontent as a personal protest
Honestly it was like 3 AM and I only agreed to go to the strip club because I wanted chicken tenders
He just turned down phone sex for hockey and I'm so relieved I'm fucking a straight guy that I'm barely even mad
PLEASE LET MY BIRD FUCK YOUR BIRD
I want you
Nvm, now I want someone who replies to my booty-call texts faster
We kicked down a door together last night, pretty sure that qualifies us as best friends.
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