i was more sad about losing him as neighbor on fishville than as a boyfriend
She asked if my windows were tinted enough for road head.
ok. can u leave the new roommate a list of instructions for me? like what i need to be fed and when i need to be exercised?
Corn dogs constantly. And all.the time
she brought my homemade cookies with condoms taped to the box... im in love
This is now the friendly bartender typing for him. He wants to be on you. He is going to "destroy your vagina". Good luck and sorry if this woke you up!
Just found a condom on my floor from last weekend. 2/2. The scavenger hunt is over.
Dude. When are you coming home? I'm laying in bed watching the Grinch and trying to pet a cat that I'm not even sure exists.
He was literally going down on me and giving me a foot rub AT THE SAME TIME. What more can I ask for?
I JUST SEARCHED GINGER COCK ON TUMBLR AND THEY'RE ALL REALLY WELL HUNG? I'M CRYING. IS THIS HOW GINGERS KEEP REPRODUCING?
WHAT IS WRONG WITH YOU?
It's Friday the 13th and you just got boned by a guy named Jason....
She pretty much spent NYE measuring dicks, trying to decide which one to take home.
Damn you are the highwater mark of the naked women in my life. Like idk what lined up but yeah.
Yeah ok. We can maid of honor each other since you don't like my boobs enough to lesbian marry me
Just got thrown out of the club for making condom water balloons. I'm not ashamed.
He updated Facebook... "Got a new phone today." WHAT ABOUT THE FUCKING KID YOU HAD?!
Randomize
