yeah my walk of shame consisted of driving on the wrong side of the road at 6am still drunk with cum drying in my hair and left eye.
Do you think there is vodka in heaven?
you let me eat a milky way from your vagina. G is not lettin you hang out for eternity
Over it. He probably jacked off to bible verses last night. I don't want that
I think thats the most anyones ever pregamed for rollerskating
I don't think I have ever been told that I am "probably too drunk to pet the stingrays" by a cop before.
He just helps fat girls get exercise. One walk of shame at a time.
I am trying to think of a way to make alcohol cupcakes
cool, get new shit, I dnt want the same old if it's my last drink ever
The world isn't ending you idiot. I'll grab beer
HE'S LICKING FROSTING OFF OF THE EIGHTEEN YEAR OLD BOY
Future roommate keeps sending me pictures of cool shit she has for our dorm and I'm just like "... I have a set of Aggie wine glasses a great set of tits."
She asked how many sexual partners I'd had and I was like "Honestly I don't even know". And then she said "well last time you said 8." And my inner monologue busted out laughing and I was like "Oh I'd say like 11 or 12.....plus 20."
Is there like a dick file on me? Guys can't hold two dicks anymore?! Who are you people????
On a scale from 1-10 how wrong is it to request "I Hit It First" at my ex's wedding reception?
Definite 12.2 but worth it.
He asked if I could not say his name during sex cause he liked the girl in the apartment above me.
I should be in a better mood, I just went home and had a quickie on my lunch break.
I had a sandwich.
Randomize
