Smith looks like a guy that goes on a lot of first dates
he's 24. he finally texted me instead of using facebook chat. baby steps.
I'm going to save the lime from my McDonald's salad to use in my Corona later tonight.
I've blown him so many times I feel like I have a better relationship with his dick than I do with him.
HOW AM I SUPPOSED TO LOOK FUCKABLE IN AN ALL NEON SPANDEX JUMPSUIT?
She took a crow from her moms Halloween decorations, taped it to her shoulder, went to the bar and made the guys buy a drinks for both her and the crow.
He gave up on mugging us when Dave wouldn't stop laughing. He was wiggling his finger at the knife and making baby noises and giggling. The guy just walked away.
For the record we tried to find 4th of july porn. Did not turn out well.
You were walking away to pee and as you were undoing your belt you looked at me and said "the belt is off. the game is on. Remever that."
Highlight of my night: you taking that shot of garlic butter and then throwing the empty container down on the stairs and saying FUCK.
SHUN THE NONBELIEVERS. THUS SAYS THE NIPPLE LORD
I just want someone to put their head on my boobs and laugh at my jokes ....
Hahahahahha. You saved a homeless man. You're actually the mother Teresa of skanks.
Right in the middle of our simultaneous orgasms, he shouted "HAPPY NEW YEAR" ruining the intimacy
Just made my first drink, took 2 sips feel like god
Randomize
