If he comes back to you and I'm left alone in lonelytown I'm totally going to poo on your car.
And i generally try not to roofie people when I'm in a committed relationship.
you want a dog just so you can strap a barrel of hot chocolate around its neck?
the cab driver said that we weren't the worst shit show he'd ever seen, CHALLENGE ACCEPTED!!
I think I ruined his life by managing to get his initiation nickname for his frat to be "Whiskey Dick" but I still wish herpes on him and his fugly new girlfriend.
I took her to the bar and boom. All of my past slump busters were there. Shes cool enough to know what that means and said she was afraid they'd eat her so we left.
IS SOBER OCTOBER A THING?? WTF WHO ARE THESE PEOPLE?
Mark just took 50mg Viagra. Tonight should be interesting for the neighbors.
He just kept repeating "not with an octopus" over and over for hours. Soooooo Porn Dare was a succes.
STOP SETTING ME UP WITH GUYS YOU MEET ON CRAIGSLIST
Maybe it's because I walked straight up to that shelf of vodka with a look of determination that said "I mean business".
I usually have to have a cart! If that doesn't say "I mean business" then I don't know what does
Would you laugh at me if I told you I think I burned my nipples?
If I take a couple more shots I won't even know he's a Mormon that drives a motorcycle
do nipples grow back?
I just remembered something from last night. check your closet.
Randomize