We stole a cat. That is all you need to know.
Please talk me out of ordering the stripper pole for a dollar. Please.
i'm traumatized. his orgasm face consisted of him looking like my dead grandfather and burping.
You were such a shitshow...I was just standing in the kitchen eating my toaster strudel and you came in, whispered "you didn't see anything" and led him to the couch
I was having the most awesome dream about onion rings and you hit me and told me to stop touching you...WTF?
Oh, and apparently I was butt ass naked and walked into the room where anna was skyping her dude in afghanistan and said "This is happening."
I mean it's like...I'm sorry I slept with your boyfriend but is it my fault that he failed to mention you when I was giving him head in the Dave and Busters bathroom?
There is so much wrong with that sentence
Yeah there really shouldn't be a bar at D&B's...shit gets real
The contents of my fridge consist of alcohol, Nuva ring, and cheesecake. I'm that girl.
Free stuff before I even put his balls in my mouth like wow great start
I just paid a hobo to give me his Santa hat so I can take Christmas nudes. Will send them later, they're fire.
I'm in the Sheetz parking lot waiting for dad to finish a drug deal.
He ate me out for an eternity. Like fell asleep, woke up, and he was still doing it.
Hey. You got pizza and sex. How much more can you ask for?
I probably should have told her I was actually the drunkest one there before she let me pierce her ear
Get over here and bring your drill!!! The strippers next door need help installing a stripper pole by their pool
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