if i were to get pulled over right now, the only thing i would be guilty of is listening to 90's Mariah Carey
just got pizza delivered to the hot tub. its easier than i thought to be this lazy
i woke up with a grocery list signed by "the people who ate all your shit while you were passed out"
i jus dunped the rest of my drink down the sink and tool my bra off. pretty sure this is the best decision for everybody.
He got me coffee AND filled up my gas tank. He must've fucked another girl in my car..
WHY did you say no to the sex seance?
You Just stopped dancing, looked at me and said "I'm gonna make it rain" Then shook the open box of crunch berries everywhere.
I just think his face would be more attractiveif it was framed by my thighs
That's the last time I send a mass text invitation to smoke a blunt
I'm supposed to nail the old lady at 1:30 so I'll see you at 1:35ish.
This is possibly the most humiliating moment of my life. I have diarrhea, in a port-a-potty, at the Renaissance Festival.
They kept freaking out that you were missing and potentially having sex.. like it was a bad thing. Got fed up with hearing it so i just yelled "ITS HER BIRTHDAY AND SHE CAN FUCK IF SHE WANTS TO!" They gave me unnecessary looks. I thought it was acceptable.
Last night I made out with two lesbians while dancing with another girl. I'm pretty sure it wasn't even real life.
After the "sex" was over I dressed as quickly as possible. And then he came over to me stark naked and embraced me. For over a minute. And all I could think was please get your penis off my dress.
Just boned her on my desk. on top of my term paper. take that professor dipshit
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