Dude I got a text from you at 1:30 last night and you didn't use any vowels
Haha, I didn't want to buy any... we're in a recession you know
im typing and i feel like my hands are on backwards.
Stop texting me, I'm right here.
I haven't worn deodorant in like three days and have been laying around in my underwear listening to music and drinking. I think i've made my own Bonnaroo in my apartment.
Party at my house. Liquor pinata. Your presence is required.
Do you think you can get drunk by standing in a tank of vodka if it is seeping into your skin?
We were debating whether rain water is clean enough to drink. I won when he started throwing up.
This is stressing me out. I feel like I need to eat the dick.
Nice just gets you lonely or dead. I don't like those options.
The best part about drinking boxed wine is you can blow up the bag and use it as a pillow
What if he turns back to me, finds me seemingly fondling my breasts, and thinks I'm turned on by eagles?
Saw 2 lesbians fist fighting outside the bar tonight. I was startled yet slightly turned on
The problem with having a roommate is that you are forced to answer the age old question "Are you okay?"
BTW, Julia referred to you as a power bottom. Are you available?
i don't know how to react to you in a diaper crying and calling a football 'sadie'.
He just told me my boobs made up for all the bad things that had ever happened to him. I'm definately having sex with him again.
Randomize
