He said I was the smartest girl he had ever dated, that should have been a sign from the beginning
i'm sick of coming in second next to bourbon.
That is the best grammar in a dirty text ever. Excellent use of the semi-colon. And yes; I am hard.
Who's nuvaring is under my pillow?
I just want you to know that we eye fucked the shit out of someone who just got drafted
I told her my cab was outside the club and that I had to go, but I think we both knew this wasn't going anywhere past the sloppy bathroom handjob.
If anyone remembers any details of tonight please address concerns to my lawyer. This is a mass text.
The guy behind me is talking about how his life goal is to use his knowledge of mathematics to make the world a better place. My only life goal right now is getting through this lecture without throwing up in my lap.
It's probably not healthy how legit bummed I am that my bottled of wine is gone.
my throat is bruised, my back is scarred, my vagina feels like it's going to fall off.. you're like godzilla. you destroy everything.
He's gonna do me a solid for doing her a solid. It's like pay it foward. But with sex.
I just tried to pass the bowl to my dog for 2 minutes before I remembered she isn't human. It is 7:27 am.
Going overboard is basically 75% of my personality
I'm a gorgeous hot mess
Foreplay went from me being a bank teller and him a customer to us actually having to go to the bank so we would make rent
I dont know which is weirder.. the fact that i just watched our mom kick ass at beer pong and ride the pole like a true fire girl or the fact that ive never felt closer to her in my life.
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