I just ate a whole pineapple for lunch. You should be begging to give me a bj tonight.
I was high enough to understand and function with 'flip' while playing brick breaker
Damn. I don't think I could ever be that high.
He walked in, tore open the drawer, pulled out a condom, and slammed it shut. He was that ready.
I'm currently bartering with this guy so I can fuck his bi girlfriend. We're at 5 pizzas and he gets to watch us make-out.
But fine, we can play that game. You can come over and we can have totally platonic, long, boring discussions. Or we can fuck. Whatever.
I still love him regardless of his misguided forays into heterosexuality
Just had a tv talk show interview in my mirror. Got into to some pretty heavy shit man, would have made good viewing.
See this is why people shouldn't jump into marriage. See what type of drunk you're engaged to first.
blowjobs from left handed girls are noticably better than from righties. these are the most important things I've learned this semester
I don't want to ruin date night, but you have no idea how hard it is to poop whilst looking at cute puppies.
I'm still confused. So he's NOT your cousin by blood, but WAS your cousin, on two separate occasions, by marriage? Still too weird I think...
also somebody did cough syrup and i was really worried but i couldn’t express why properly so i was like MACKLEMORE SAYS NO
Donald Trump looks like someone photoshopped hair onto a dick pic.
You followed me up the stairs while i was throwing up yelling "projectile! projectile! projectile!"
It wasn't my fault.
You let her suck your neck. Yes it was your fault.
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