he just quoted gucci mane to try and get me to give him head.
he squeezed my boobs like he didn't know what else to do with them, then turned down head...
told you he was gay.
he's listed in a fb relationship with a girl born in 1993. i'm too drunk to do the math on that one, but i am sober enough to know that's illegal
I woke up to you in just boxers at my door at 7a.m. with you saying how many squrriels you counted on the walk back, then you made me penis shaped pancakes
im drinking italian dressing and watching dexter. its 230am. lets never drink on sundays again.
It's not like I ment to feed you the shots of vodka, my hand just kinda slipped.
Well you tried to pay for a drink with your keys for one...
Nothing says casual like stairwell bjs
"Do You Wanna Build a Snowman" came on while I was riding his dick. I had to take a moment.
My goal is to be drunk before we even get out of the No Wake Zone.
I basically gave Miranda rights to the guy I hooked up with, jus so we were all clear what was happening
Tell me why i have 60 matches in 72 hours on tinder. Can i sell my tinder account like people used to sell their myspace pages and tumblrs when they had a lot of followers? Is that a thing?
I got arrested FOR running from the cops. In college Dad got arrested and THEN ran from the cops. So it could be worse.
Two of us got arrested. Gonna be delayed a bit. Save me a burger.
I spent half my night explaining that i'm in an open relationship to the guys that I liked, and the other half of the night explaining that I have a boyfriend to the guys that I didn't like.
Randomize
