I wanna bring you to show and tell
I'm trashed wearing your mom's snuggie. She says hello.
you know you've been playing too much mario kart when you see a curve in the road ahead and see yourself drifting around it
She kept screaming "yeah! You pick up my books!" the whole time. . .
i can totally see doctors naming an STD after you
whatever sunny in Philadelphia does on Thursday nights, I'm doing all weekend.
Halfway through banging her I realized that she was playing a sex playlist on her iPod...first time actually having sex to R.Kelly's "bump and grind"
stripped for him at 3am on my childhood playground and used the swing set as a pole.
At least we kept it together. It's people like him who yell at bushes that give acid a bad name
Hypothetically speaking, what is the proper response if one gets bitten by a most likely not rabid squirrel? Hypothetically.
I need to be drunk within 15 minutes of getting home tonight.
I was trying to drink every time they said planned parenthood but my body isn't cut out for this.
I heard you ran into my sister lastnight. Do you remember making out with her and slapping my uncle?
I sucked his dick by a creek, how romantic.
Is it fucked up to venmo someone for plan-b?
Randomize
