I gave the naked guy in the hotel hall a pop tart. He stopped crying.
I just found a babydoll head in my sink where we ripped it off and did shots out of it.
ive realized i need to start an "avoid moving in with my parents after graduation" fund
Totally just projectile vomited while ridind a bicycle.
Wanna hang out, and by hang out I mean go get plan B... and maybe lunch, but mostly plan b
Maybe he'll be famous someday and I can forget that anything embarrassing may have happened and just say that I fucked that famous guy.
I just audibly asked myself if i wanted to masturbate.
And then audibly agreed
You were just so carefree! People were like, "there's broken glass everywhere" and you were just like, IDGAFFFFFFF
No more going to class sober.. Tried it for a day or two, its just not for me
sent a snap of my boobs out to my FWB his response was what happened to your other nipple ring.. how do I say it got ripped out by my other FWB last week without sounding like a slut
I plan on blacking out and milking a cow
So, I never imagined myself puking on the side of the road at 10:30 this morning to Lynyrd Skynyrd but here I am.
I feel like I could have been bitchier and missed an opportunity.
I associate the Game of Thrones theme song with his dick now.
Yes, ur purse got stole with our condo keys in it but my slut ass saved us and we had a place to stay, AND I got to choke a motherfucker while riding him. Thats taking one for the team.
Randomize