We walked through the hotel lobby in slow-mo taking huge steps because we were astronauts, and astronauts obviously can't be drunk.
Agreed. Everyone should experience a blackout before 3pm in their lifetime.
I dig being used for consequence free sex. Not consequenceful sex.
hey as creepy as this sounds i still have your eyelashes on my desk
No, he attached a coozie to his crutches so he can carry his beer around the party.
Did you really just text me at 6:35 in the morning asking where the condoms were? I moved out a year ago.
Do you remember Kelly my alter personality? She talked like a man and would sing amazing grace?
You want to groom your chest hair? You mean with a little baby chest hair brush? Because that sounds adorable.
I needed tweezers to get my thong out of my ass this morning.
Ever since we've gotten back together, it's like the ghosts of booty call's past have been hitting me up. Lol.
After my second liter of German beer, nothing D-cup or larger is safe near me.
I mentioned the porn thing he mentioned a brother it all kinda just came together
Last time I checked he was house sitting for his ex while she was out of town with some new dude. He was crying about how the guy told him to stay out of his whiskey while he was gone. That's whipped
She said if you lived here it would be like the x rated version of 3's company
It smells like graded cheese and febreze in the family room what the hell have you been up to???
Randomize
