no, i dont want the owner to like me bc i dedazzled my vagina
Just threw up my room service breakfast with my fake eyelashes and pearls still on.
Well he asked to have a sober hang out so i guess that constitutes as a date in college
You would ignore him even if it wasn't NoManUary. It could be the Winter of a Thousand Dicks and you wouldn't talk to that guy.
The Winter of A Thousand Dicks sounds terrifying!!!
I feel like somebody ate me, then shit me into my bed.
She wanted me to watch her masterbate and after she thanked me for a wonderful evening and left. This state is weird.
Someone posted a printout of my tits on my door this morning! Where did they get this photo!?!
On the 3rd day, she mixed sangria and orange juice and saw that it was good.
I used to put Bugles on my penis and pretend it was a wizard.
I got propositioned while wearing the bottom half of a horse costume. It's like god is apologizing to me in the strangest of ways.
It was super embarrassing when I had to tell my brother, in front of my mother, that my wifi password was Drinkupbitches. Thanks for providing that lovely family moment.
Now, one of you come feed me, the other read me my physics book...I'm too hungover for this shit...
All right, sex is off the menu for you. Now you just get friendship. So I can spend marginally less time being annoyed by you.
I covered the puke with a shingle there's not many chunks. I think it will blend quickly.
we're tipping the strippers with chocolate coins.
Randomize
