Asian hipster sighting. About to tackle him and ask him to take me to chinatown
i hate that site..its like every vagina you dont wanna see
I wish i was in the wii world.
how the fuck did you end up in georgia? you were here at my party dry humping some chick 2 hours ago
so you mean to tell me that there is no way you can get me?
Tidal wave of highness just hit. Find shelter and catnip. gloves. zebra striped car washes.
When I get home we should play "let's see how many Christmas movies we can watch before we start having sex."
you should have seen it. it was just a bunch of guys in togas chanting the username and password to a brazzers account we all share. best thing that has happened to our group
If you're wearing dry underwear your day is already better than mine.
Just found the last picture of me as a virgin. Framed it.
so i ran into nick. i may be more gay than anticipated
I do feel like I owe you an apology for trying to fuck your dad last night but in my defense everyone knows I shouldn't drink tequila.
I was masterbating to some porn on my phone and my mom decides to text me "are you okay?" I mean i was doing great until you cock blocked me mom..
I just don't think it's that outlandish to ask that I don't get messages from my husband at 8:30pm on a Wednesday telling me he peed on our cat
Something is wrong here. The birds are chirping and I'm not fucking you, I'm not getting head and I don't smell bacon. Why am I up this early then?
You might see me up a tree with a deranged look in my eye , just walk away at that point
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