Remember that dream I told you about where I shit out my own skeleton? I had it again last night.
Another f*ing night of vodka youporn and xanax. I need to get a goddamn life
3 great things that go great together... But not on a Friday night. Perfect on say... a Tuesday.
no.. I went home. Puking up hot dogs and lemon tart isn't as lovely as it sounds.
he opened the microwave and beer cans poured out
pregamed for the floor meeting. so stoned. i keep thinking my RA is shrinking.
If anyone could figure out how to pee on someone's soul, it would be you.
You always know what to say to make me feel better.
Seriously-without actually meaning the statement for it's words- that made me want to put a baby in you.
Vodka drinking games. Where you wake up next to a douche lord and see your thong in the blinds.
Oh, and one of the worst parts... his name was Mario. I fucked a Nintendo character.
i may or may not have triedto pee like a boy and then dipped cheese ino the olive oil
We met some guy at the beach, and dug a hole with him. He invited us to "come back at night and smoke a blunt in this hole"
Packing for college has become a game of where did I hide my sex toys.
He washed his dick in my kitchen sink after sex. I think he might be a keeper.
Help me help you realize you are a moron
Here when you come to your senses come back here and I'll fuck you back out of them.
Randomize
