Why is half of me covered in green stuff that won't come off?
You stripper-danced on a light pole in the quad. It had fresh paint on it.
Every time we go downtown I ask myself why we live in Des Moines
and she's shaped like a lego person so that's not happening
My mom just informed me that my dog licks their toes while her and my dad are having sex. I'm apartment searching.
they were just spraying pledge on themselves and calling it lemon cologne.
i DID NOT walk around with my knees bent and my hands behind my back with long spandex and underarmour pretending to be Apollo Ono
You never realize how many sex toys you have until you have to strategically hide them while moving out of your dorm.
The nurse told me they're using the same medicine that killed michael jackson.
She once gave me sex advice over the phone while intoxicated. So no you don't have the cooler therapist.
Still not sure if my open-bar-week-long-trip to Cuba is the best idea as a congratulations-for-my-sober-february-challenge. My liver might just explode and give up.
Somewhere in this city is a lost rubber penis that needs to find its way back home
I had sex upstairs in my parents house, and my mom texted me and said "those raccoons are out of control in the walls."
So I've already made 5 bad decisions today, wyd?
Straight up just cock blocked my dad. Also this apple sauce is good.
I get so pissed when there is something that NEEDS to be made fun of and you're not here.
Randomize
