That bitch is like a bad destiny's child song.
shes got a really nice body. but her face is eh.
you dont need a face to have sex
I don't know if you realize how depressing it is to get your card denied....when you're only spending $4.
right as i was about to introduce them she goes "old fuck buddy, meet new fuck buddy."
your philanthropy is ruining my sex life.
Dude, we took our shirts off and set our chest hair on fire. That's a low point.
You raise a valid concern
Then, he just started shoving orange pieces in my mouth as a chaser
Also I'm very proud of th fact that I walked my dog before bed. Drunk dog walking should be an Olympic sport; it takes SKILLS.
I am in a hotel room with 10 people. John is in bed eating an industrial sized pan of mashed potatoes. I think a non insignificant number of people saw my nipples.
When you are old and getting humped by saggy balls every other weekend you are gonna wish you had more sex with freshly legal boys. Your vagina will thank you one day. Don't let her down.
If my bootycall doesn't bring over a Baconnator, I swear to fucking God, I'm not letting him in. The hunger is that real. Forget his Persian dick.
NO ITS THAT IM A SEXUAL DEVIANT AND CANT FILTER MYSELF
I am mentally ready for anal.
I just found a ladybug shell in my underwear. What was I doing last night?
Lessons learned from last night: do not leave me drunk and alone with strippers and a credit card. Let's do whatever's cheaper.
Randomize
