is there an easy way to say "i didnt plan on sleeping with you until i saw how drunk you were" ?
Dammit. I drunkenly drank all my milk at 6 AM in a misguided stupor to prevent my roommates from stealing my milk.
Printing the vagina inspector badge was money well spent.
can you please explain how one drink turns into 5 street signs with their poles lying around my room
He made me leave when I challenged "all you bitches" to a game of strip taboo.
What I'm trying to say is, that time you chained me to my dresser and made me beg for it was incredibly romantic.
Someone want to explain the bottle of ranch I found in my pants
I just love it. It's warm and soft and the rest of the world is so mean. My bed would never be mean to me
IT ISN'T. I'M A LITTLE HIGH.
YOU'RE ALWAYS A LITTLE HIGH.
NO. IT'S RARE THAT I'M A LITTLE HIGH. I'M ALWAYS HIGH AS FUCK. THERE'S A DIFFERENCE.
Did you just send me an ass picture with a quote from the lion king?
What are you gonna do about it?
The first thing I did in 2015 was suck a dick.....so.....
I promise not to pretend to be Jesus and take the wheel. But to my credit you shouldn't be saying that while I'm that drunk and we are in a car.
If you binge watch Bill Nye Saves the World without me you can consider yourself single
Just heard a 15 minute program on the radio about how cases of gonorrhea in the throat and rectum are skyrocketing in the US. Almost crashed laughing so hard.
Sorry, who is this??
why yes, bad decisions will be made starting at 3PM Thurs through 8PM on Sun. You have been warned. Plan accordingly.
Randomize