I'm either going to be a Playboy Playmate or take over the world. Either way the world wins.
i want tt clbm rinabw nd ride uncrn
what?
i wnt tto climb a rainboww and ride a unicornnnnnnnnn
he wanted to give me a nickname... my choices were superjugs,godzilla boobs or mouth of fury
Don't worry we did the "promise to get an abortion" handshake
All three women i have fucked in the past week are here in the same bar. Gameface, go.
Gonna go for any of them?
Thursday night girl, but friday is watching and tuesday is serving us.
She looked at me and said "i like penises." and then passed out with her condom balloon animal in her hands.
At least you have booty calls.
True. I just waste them though. I feel like I need to be told "there are people in this world who would give anything for just one and you have two." You know in that same tone your parents told you about the starving people in china
i told him i was allergic to semen. he pulled out an epipen.
By the time the opening band finished, she was already slurring, coming on to the gay couple next to us, and waving her panties in the air.
Because of my cut offs, my brother is convinced I fucked a girl so hard she forgot to take her pants. Fairly accurate.
New low reached: a cockroach has actually drowned itself in our dirty dishes. We are heathens. Cleaning dance party tonight. No excuses.
Well he was mad because I chose tequila over him. He obviously doesn't understand that he will always be second to my first true love.
My rule for unemployment is that I can't smoke before noon.
I haven't gotten up before 1 though, so it hasn't really impacted me.
Getting free blow from a total stranger, who asked permission to stroke my eyebrows, was the highlight of my evening out. Also, I have a new cuddle dealer.
Did you get drunk between now and two texts ago?
Randomize
