I'm sooo using this pickup line: "Baby, its not the 2.5 inches... Its the 200 pounds behind it"
I tried making the sex a little better this time so right before I blew I yelled "ready or not here I come!"
he asked me out through an event invitation on facebook, the title read Romantic Dinner For 2
All I can tell you is you will need a rain slicker for tonight's festivities. Any clothes underneath would be highly frowned upon as well.
This might be the most awkward night of my life. And I had someone pee on me once.
I need to figure out how to tell my doctor that I don't want to fix my possible fertility problems until AFTER I'm done whoring around in my 20s.
can you please explain how one drink turns into 5 street signs with their poles lying around my room
This from the guy I found eating salad out of a pot lid in his boxers on his porch last night.
Dude. There's gotta be an article in Cosmo about it cause I've had three different girls tongue tickle my brownie this month.
I think we've entered a low point in our relationship when I'm sending you pictures of pubic hair designs "because they're funny"
I can't wait til me and pit bull can just be together
All I need is a morbidly obese man masturbating at the other end of the car and I'll complete the CTA Horror Trifecta.
He grabbed my tits and sang "you are so beautiful" to them before faceplanting into my chest
We had sex to Hey Arnold, Rugrats, and All That. I feel like my life has come full circle.
Ehh, the third backed out. Two still isn't bad. Who gets a bootycall to pick them up from a bootycall's house anyways? Only me.
Randomize
