A freshman just woke up on our back pourch... He swears there was a party here last night but we didn't have one
And then I'm going to yell into her vagina and see if it echoes
I imagine my 13 hours of sleep after my 3 day upper bender was similar to Jesus rising from the dead.
I'm sorry. I think I have multiple personalities. Or it was the acid. Either way. I'm sorry.
I woke up this morning next to a stack of saltines & a txt from u saying "do it." it took me a second to remember wat was going on
You said "sustain yourself" quietly over and over as you fed joeys hamster cashews. Acid you is a trip
You know how I've been hooking up with my ex? Well he told me he loved me and I said I was just there for sex so let's get it done. He looked sad, but he did it anyways. And life was good again.
I woke up because a stranger was shoving an already lit bowl into my mouth. Spring break is awesome
............HELP Ive been abducted by vodka and its poisoning my brain fat chicks are getting cute and i slept with my sisters friend who slightly resembles john kerry....,,help
her wearing orange crocs at the bar was definitely a great form of contraception
I just love that it's Veterans Day because I know in my heart that I have serviced some of their brethren in the dirtiest, hottest, most shameful ways possible.
What alcohol should i drink Saturday to completely hate life?
Bro i pulled the fucking willy wonkas gold ticket of ratchets the other night this chick was a real treat god bless her
If you had asked me 10 years ago where I thought I'd be right now at 26 years old, I can bet you one million dollars that "tweezing out my nose hairs before I go in to get laser hair removal on my upper lip" would NOT have been the answer
So there is a 50% chance that he just left my house and a 100% chance that I have to be up for work in 2 hours...
Randomize
