This girl is very crazy
She's one of those compassionate ppl
So everything I said on this seemingly endless date offended her
accomplished twins. life is a go
Youll never guess who has to go to fucking planned parenthood because trojan cant make a fucking condom
walk of shame with early morning football tailgaters. niice.
You broke into someone's house and stole a pan of lasagna.
There was a stripper pole on the party bus. Was being past tense because some fat chick somehow tore it from the ceiling while grinding
Time to do stuff I know I'll have to hide from my grandkids one day and everyone at next weekends wedding.
i convinced him to be a french maid for halloween. he has no idea what he's in for. i just ordered the breast forms.
I'm hungry, horney and thirsty. Pick two you want to help out with.(please pick horney)
I feel like an involuntary Mother Theresa. I DON'T WANT TO BE ABSTINENT!
I'm so happy we share a mutual love of laughing at religion.
He literally shoved the EMT, climbed in the back of the ambulance with his vodka and was like, "C'mon, people. Wrap this up. I got shit to do."
Just realized that my booty calls are vastly ranging in penis sizes.
Why are there condoms taped to the handle of Tito’s?
I get horny when I drink, pregnant when I fuck and I never lose the booze unlike my purse
Fuck you bitch. You're married. You got a live-in dick at home for your needs. I still gotta surf this shitty town's bars for cock
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