I love that she's always that person who people think it's a good idea to invite her to something. and then she's there and you realize, "nope."
i realized our last day of finals is on cinco de mayo....it's god's way of saying drink ridiculous amounts of tequila and wear sombreros
I wish we were homeless so drinking on the streets was acceptable.
She just took the bottle of jager to the bathroom and locked the door. Now I hear the water running..if the house floods she's paying for it
You can drink as much as you want but it's not gunna make her forehead any smaller
I was hoping it might at least fix her teeth
I sent him a naked picture of me with the caption "I lost at beer pong, this was a dare. Hope your nights going as good as mine" I've never talked to him in my life, this is a strange way to start.
THERE IS A GOAT THERE IS A GOAT IN MY BED IT IS EATING MY THONG WHAT DID YOU DO
I JUST MADE OUT WITH A BRITISH SOCCER PLAYER. LONG LIVE THE QUEEN. GOD BLESS THAT COUNTRY.
I went through my entire iTunes library and made a playlist called "Feelings". I have 7.5 hours of feelings.
Lets get drunk and then you just wraps me into a present because that sounds like fun after the past 3 glasses of wine I drank
Did you happen to find my bra? I'm pretty sure I still had it on before we left that bar
Nothing says "Jesus has forgiven your sins" like finding out you're not pregnant on Easter.
just had an allergic reaction to my dildo. My life is ruined.
It's an interesting experience to pee while a bird meows at you.
You need to get out of the house more
Apparent my drunk ass was so dedicated to taking a piss, when I walked across the dance floor to get to the bathroom a 9/10 broad tried to dance with me and I just pushed her aside, like hard enough to send her a few feet from where she was standing, pointed at her and said "Not now chief, gotta rock a mean one."
Randomize
