GM filed for bankruptcy, all the dealerships closed, and it's june and I'm in jeans and a sweatshirt and I'm cold. What is the point of living in this state anymore?
okay. this is james and youre probably never ever gonna see me again unless i really really really want some pussy. sorry.
Last awkward moment of 2011: your ex gf grinding on me in front of her husband.
Being the only woman in a triathlon group - it's a penis paradise.
I just told him he had gained a new brother. He immediately knew I meant the eskimo kind.
Opening beer with my teeth is getting easier the drunker I become.
It turns out my teeth are bleeding.
Let's hurry up so I can puke at home instead of my van
My hungover walk of shame was interrupted by a stranger on a balcony throwing me a beer to shotgun... at 10 a.m....
he just sent me a dick pic, it highly resembled a cheese stick
Are we gonna talk about that cunnilingus snap
Of all the kinds of relationships I've had in my life, I'd have to say, lab-partner-with-benefits takes the fuckin cake
I don't care how hot she was. She didn't like Scooby Doo and I don't fuck with that.
This morning we had sex while he was wearing a full length fur jacket and sunglasses... I wasn't even phased
He’s really fucking cute. Like, I want his penis in my mouth cute.
If I take a couple more shots I won't even know he's a Mormon that drives a motorcycle
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