Wow, t9 really hates the phrase "slap her in her sanctimonious pie-hole."
so you masturbated because Oprah told you?
so I woke up and found tortilla in my belly button
she was dressed as a doctor claiming that after she was done i would have a "permaboner"
just spent all of my last class as a college student, vomiting in the bathroom. its moments like these i will cherish
What would you have done with a 40 foot neon parrot anyway?
He kept his baseball cap on when he went down on me...
TINY HANDS NOT FOR BUTTHOLES
This is going everywhere on the internet.
I saw you sitting on top of my car trying to row back home... Did you make it?
The chick who threw the party was all pissed cause she thought I made out with her boyfriend. Admittedly, I did, but she was throwing up and crying at the time so she really can't be that mad.
The fact that I'm going to be living with you is starting to make me worry about my heatlh.
Ya that ship has sailed dude
...I can smell the alcohol on your breath through that text
Welcome to stoned Saturday. Full of laser tag and beyonce and awesome
The Royals are in the World Series. I've never drank so much in one week in my life.
I'm currently trying to figure out a way to fill the bathtub up with mashed potatoes so when he comes over he'll know what's about to hit him..
Randomize
