Strawberries are so good its weird that food is growable
We're going on a mission for new porn. And ice cream.
I knew something was wrong when santa got arrested
That's why she's the girl with her life together and you're the girl with the penis drawn on your car.
my momz letting me make the christmas card in photoshop
so that means christmas in space?
imma make our dead cats ghosts like obi wan kenobi
You fell asleep with your fingers in my vagina. You made this a relationship.
It's probably just the physical manifestation of slut karma. But i of course mean that in the kindest way possible because i love you and respect your choices
Awkward moment: seeing and saying hey to the MILF you're sleeping with while shopping with your mother and sister.
may or may not have figured out a way to make my mom a drug mule to bring me ecstasy...
I can't take my grandparents out somewhere where I've fucked half the staff.
Sigh. I'll find the right guy one day.
Prince charming is right around the corner and will be freaky as shit!
so this maintenance guy stood at the corner of my cubical and scratched his balls for like a full minute cause he thought no one could see him
Sorry I've been a slutty nightmare this week
She was doing drunken zumba and screaming "FUCK YOU I HAVE MY OWN STYLE!" at the TV
You were arrested in a tiara again... maybe you shouldn’t wear one.
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