I'm playing the sound guy on a porno set
She's 40ish and I couldn't wake her up with a stick of dynamite. My sheets are going to be covered in glitter lotion and smell like grape vodka and shattered dreams tomorrow.
Aren't divorce parties fun?
You and I have very different definitions of fun.
why is it that everyone in pennsylvannia gets fucking prego??
It's been a long time since I felt this bad on a Monday... and for that, I thank you.
Wella between the drunkards, the inevitable slutty costumes, and someone doing a BODY SHOT OFF A PREGNANT GIRL, i lost my halloween spirit. Bah humbug.
All I need is the Internet and a place to drink.
I need to stop ravaging the freshman dorm like a virginity-snatching dragon.
I am incapable of maintaining a guy's interest in me. It's like erectile dysfunction but with feelings
So, left this guys house wearing a #1 Grandpa shirt and I think this is the best sex score I've ever had.
Waffles and pussy, what else is there?
I'll get tired halfway through and end up passed out at a taco shack honestly
Did you really eat 10 ice cream cones today?
It was tough but I powered through it.
i spent most of my hangover doing the math to figure out the last of the alcohol would be metabolized from my system.
thank you pre-med degree.
Good, I've got all this booze. It's intimidating to be in the room alone with it..
And I hope you're not misinterpreting us fucking as me trying to win you back. The sex is good and girls have needs.
Randomize