see you put your penis in her and it's like an ignition key to start the crazy
There's a 24 hour period after giving head where you can't eat penis shaped food without me laughing at you
So I vaguely remember making out with you this morning, I think you were on a date?
she was drinking until 3, woke up at 7, shouted 'I'M STILL DRUNK" and went out for a jog in her thong
I have got to stop singing on voicemails. I just left my dad a 6 minute musical message.
If I have to give a UPS guy a lap dance, you owe me a drink.
Is there a reason there's a dick print on my seventh-story window?
shes making a cheerios necklace using dental floss 'just in case' she gets the munchies later
Why must everything this weekend have to do with something going into or coming out of my vagina?
She looks well worn, presumably from a cavalcade of penis.
dude ur drinkin a beer not ta capri sun. lose the straw
My sobriety has gotten out of control. I think I need an intervention.
You brought a jar of mayonnaise to bed. It doesn't get any worse than that.
I can't believe you won 5 grand from the casio last night and spent more than 80% on tacobell and strippers already
You think I could convince him that having sex with another girl isn't cheating?
Randomize
