So I just opened the bag you gave me and those panties aren't mine...
oh
i thought she was just hairy. i didn't know she was also a man.
I'm pretty sure he jizzed in his pants, and no it wasn't even half as funny as that song.
I just realized that all of my cardio comes from dancing on tables.
Playing the biology drinking game in my 8am. Drink everytime he says species or organism. I love st. Patricks day
He waited til after we had sex to tell me he had herpes... Ugh I hate being drunk
Well on a positive note, crystal light now comes in margarita flavor
I mean its cheating, but i figure i've made out wiht married chicks before so its like a nicotine patch, quitting by doing less and less each day
2000 dollars has been put in for bail money. Also we're signing contracts
Ok fuckface listen up and listen good. 1.calling dibs on a chick out of your league is like applying for a job with a highlight video 2. dont fucking ski down the stairs again 3. if you do, put it on your highlight video
She took one look at my hardon and said, "You have a dick built for anal."
That wasn't a compliment.
We had sex to beyonce's "drunk in love" and then he order me pizza. It was perf
Funny how the post-sex UTI lasted longer than the entire relationship.
I'm in the liquor store and fucking "Wannabe" by the Spice Girls is playing. IM ALREADY ASHAMED OF MY REASON FOR BEING HERE, GIVE ME A BREAK.
idk he wanted to trade sex for a triple order of hashbrowns
AND YOU SAID NO?????????
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