Just saw 3 10-year olds in business suits drinking iced coffees at the cafe. I'm officially a failure if these kids have jobs and I don't.
haha you were so trashed that you deleted all of your christian music from itunes and kept saying"c-ya God, nice knowin ya"
i would only ever fuck harry potter if he was on a broomstick.
She tried to sit inside the drawer to my dresser and when it broke, she burst into tears calling herself fat. Too high to deal with this
I feel like this is going to result in some sort of tearing in my vagina.
Thats a chance were just gonna have to take
he said he did everything he could to puke on his nurses because they were doing everything wrong
Thats admirable.
I just remember going to take a piss and looking down on the floor and thinking "that looks comfortable" and then I was out.
Holy Hangover.. I'm marrying whoever put this water by my bed
I can now recognize that when my wine bottle reaches a certain point, I probably shouldn't tweet, text or call anyone. RESPONSIBILITY
I'm allotting you four buildings to piss on tonight. Choose wisely.
Going on a first date tonight...pros: my boobs look amazing. Cons: my abortion isn't until next week.
...its technically supposed to be for the bridal shower but I think I can find an ensemble that says "im hopped up on x. Stick your tongue down my throat." As well as " im supporting your marriage to my brother"
im ready to get drunk and forget everything ive learned this semester
We can use the Mac n cheese as the potatoes in our breakfast burritos. Problem solved.
So turns out my new assistant isn't really my assistant. The owner needed a title for his FWB so his wife wouldn't catch on. I got a three hundred a month credit limit boost on my corporate credit card instead.
Randomize
