take 3 tylenol pm's and try playing basketball.
Should I be offended if he asked if he could use saran wrap to eat me out?
I'm like cupid
You're a whore with a bow and arrow
i was trying to give him roadhead and my tits kept knocking his cheap shifter into neutral...was the first time my tits have ever cock blocked me
there is a strobe light in my taxi. in what way is this safe.
I need a picture of your dick for my friends birthday card
He's used the term "balls deep" 3 times in the first hour. Thanks a lot, Plenty of Fish.
You'd be amazed at how difficult it is to find pics of the helicopter dick
I am very proud of your internet skills
Bartender just fed me brownie. Its going to be a good night
Thanks for the cold. I shartted and sat through a whole soccer game. James made 3 scores.
So my flight takes off at 8am. Does this mean I need to break my airport bar pre-flight ritual?
Aren't you the one who taught me that airports are the judgement-free drinking zone?
I found the guy I hooked up with last night on Wikipedia, at least now I know how old he is.
Im wearing black today mourning the orgasm i couldn't get this morning :(
I got my gum stuck on his balls.
Sorry, my phone died and I decide to charge my vibrator instead. #priorities
Randomize
