Sweater Vest, Chin Strap, Beard, sporting a white Beret- Please don't ever let me be THAT guy.
its whatevr the fuvk you could ever want is wht it is. i dont wanna read. literacy? overated in my opinion. overated.
somehow I got talked into dressing up like a hot dog, spinning around ten times, and shooting lay ups in front of thousands of students
So I'm about to go to his house and have "I'm really sorry for cheating on you last night" sex
I'm not sure which is worse. The fact that I slept with him last night, or the fact that you did too.
Sorry about your blender, your tiolet, your weed, and your dog...
I'm eager to hear this explaination.
I'll be honest, not actually surprised to find half a Big Mac box and bits of broken security glass by the sofa.
Im trying to find an appropriate gift to your mom for getting both you and your sister on birth control within a week, any suggestions?
You were high and telling me you felt like Pinocchio and that fire was bad for wood.
I cant. There's fences everywhere and I think I have a boyfriend. Its fabulous.
What's that word that means bigger and smaller and bigger and smaller, again?
Goddamn it, Jaime, it's 4am. Throbbing. The word is throbbing.
I live vicariously through you. No one mistakes me for a hooker anymore. I look like a stay at home mom of three. On bad days of four.
Our group of friends now have more broken bones than reasonable excuses for why they're broken.
I've only hooked up with engineers this year and it may be the best future financial decision I've ever made
We have an albino peacock in our apartment. It's beautiful.
Scratch it being beautiful, bitch just stole my McDonalds. Call animal control.
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