So, I just pissed in her shampoo bottle. Hope she enjoys a late golden shower from me.
i wish that high-me and normal-me were two different ppl so that high-me could thank normal-me for setting out a feast before smoking
I wish that high-you wouldn't text me stupid shit at 3:30 in the morning
I drank so much Goldschläger last night, I could shit a necklace.
I think i just got paid for sex with a hot pocket... and i accepted
what kind of wine goes with anal sex and shame?
you were trying to control your nosebleed while having someone hold your four loko while you drank it through a straw. all at the same time. that is commitment.
I seriously think my heart may fail. And I didn't even grab a toilet beer :(
i swear to god if you did anything to my honey bunches ill remove all the oats and shove them up your dickhole then play pinata with my foot to knock them all back out
It was like a square peg in a round hole... I've never seen one shaped like a stick of butter...
How about we just have a naked taco night instead?
Are there edibles for sale in the Denver airport because if so bring those to my mouth
I expected better sex from someone with the word CHAOS tattooed above his dick. But on the bright side, he was down to watch a documentary on Honey Badgers afterwards so I guess I'll keep him around.
I woke up in bed spooning a vacuum cleaner
You know, I'm starting to enjoy brazilians. One day I'm going to make a therapist very very happy.
Just flash them and yell "JUDGE THESE BITCHES"
Randomize
