what if I'm pregnant?
smusmorshion
I am swimming in semen. He must have been holding it in for a special occasion.
im so poor im using the bottom of my laptop to heat my food.
I woke up with a random mailbox in my room with a note that said "this should probably be returned. Happy Thursday!"
Didn't I tell you I have developed a shameless theory about farting anywhere and everywhere? I'm too pretty so no one suspects me.
youre always welcome to strip dance on tables with me Mag. what are friends for.
This is a great bar, except you can't even randomly burst into song without them assuming you're drunk and cutting you off.
we have what I like to call an assload of ramen noodles
Haha I haven't even had my interview yet and I'm already trying to fuck my way to the top. 'Merica.
We're taking a shot every time Landon Donovan takes a shot. It's clever, sort of.
Best orgasm I ever had! I though we totally connected and I asked him to stay over. He went back to the sigma chi house and returned with his blankie and a 40. please help
And I must've sleep walked to the fridge cause when I woke up, there I was, balls deep in a fudge pop.
Officially the best daughter ever. I just restocked my parents alcohol that I stole last night AND ADDED TO IT
My sister gave me satin sheets. We can fuck on satin sheets.
I never thought I'd be on my couch watching Star Trek, getting my tits rubbed while crying.
Randomize
