you googled " I want to buy a live ostrich". I'd say you were pretty wasted.
She used to be a real nice person. Now she's just a dick sucking machine
I can feel his 12 year old sister"s eyes barreling into my soul everytime I'm at there house..some how she knows I'm cheating on her brother or she's mad cause I stole her shirt.
being sober in physics class makes me realize the regularity with which i show up to it still drunk
I think I shall call his penis Gatsby. We talk about it all the time, but I never see it.
There's a drag queen here that reminds me strongly of you. You should try crossdressing.
her 18 year old son fed me pieces of a french roll like a pigeon, as I lay on the floor of the bathroom crying.
Will that be creepy to wake him up at midnight with my tongue all over his body??
What drugs are we doing when you visit?
The correct answer is all the drugs because I just found out they have glow in the dark bubbles.
If you don't fuck me hard, rough, and senseless the minute we're alone in your room, I'm returning you to the boyfriend store
I'm actually kind of scared about the prospect of us living together. We're just going to eat pizza and drink wine before retiring to our rooms with vibrators
Nothing has ever been more true. Ever.
You shouldn't play strip poker when you're having a wet fart kind of day.
ALL I WANT FOR CHRISTMAS IS FOR YOU TO SHUT THE FUCK UP FOR ONCE
i'm eating chex mix in the shower while texting. i feel accomplished.
It's nice doing the walk of shame at 530 am, the birds are chirping, campus is empty, and it's dark so noone can see who the Fuck you are
Randomize
