One of the mothers are the party said to me "All your friends are getting married, you're just getting drunk"
For the amount I put out, I should be going on way more dates.
it makes it look bigger when i shave, i hope its not the same for a girl
I don't think the car's salesman understands that I am about to vomit on him.
How drunk are u on a scale of one to couldn't get it up if u had a gun at ur head?
She thought that based on the way she feels that she got drugged last night, but come on, her turn on word is hello, who needs to drug that??
I don't judge her for getting booty calls at 2 in the morning, so she can't judge me for staying in friday nights and putting spray cheese on pringles.
The trashcan full of everclear punch caught on fire...you should probably come home now.
From one hot mess to another... Get it together.
Just let me take your liver out and beat it with a meat tenderizer for you..
The only downside to doctor sex is that getting choked with a stethoscope leaves marks.
he never texted me back from last night. i think brining out the suction cup dildo was a mistake
He compared my ass to "a 13 year old track star's ass." Umm WTF? Is that supposed to be a compliment? And when I questioned boy or girl he said "either."
alright well you definitely hurt his feelings though you told him he looked like he was going to an Amish community prayer meeting..
all I remember is them saying he had a big dick and the next thing I know I’m leaving with him
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