We walked in and found his glass coffee table broken and you in the bathroom throwing up saying "What a bad first impression."
I don't know what he did to me, but he did it wrong. I think my pelvis is broken. I cant even drive without it hurting. What. The. Fuck.
We make out exclusively when we're drunk. That's like a relationship for me, right?
Stoned in a petco on a Saturday. I figured out that ferrets can eat themselves out. Just picture it. Never leaving.
sorry for laughing and taking pictures while you were having an asthma attack on st. patricks day
I'm kinda surprised he wouldn't be honored to take me back as a fuck buddy.
Son of a bitch took my liquid eyeliner
ALSO I MAYBE ACCIDENTALLY HAND CUFFED MYSELF TO A CHAIR
My talents include parallel parking and over reacting about absolutely everything.. And drinking..
Why is there a wet sock in my garbage? Why did I chug so much red wine? Why was someone signing into my iCloud account at 4 am in China? Why do I do self-destructive reckless things? So many questions.
Came home to butt plugs and dildos in the bathroom sink WTF
Spring cleaning
I think someone shaved off all their pubes in the handicap stall or a werewolf stopped by the office to take a crAzy dump!
Just saw a car towing a guy on skis drive by so that’s how Syracuse is doing today.
Eh, it could have been worse. I may or may not have been wearing a jedi cloak while getting my dick sucked.
There is a sex dungeon behind the wine cellar. This is why I hate showing foreclosures.
Randomize
