I dont kno what was worse. Waking up 2 a guy next to me thinking I got blackout or realizing it was your boyfriend.
Apparently you walked through my house with your dress on your head
his cum tasted like old pizza and looked like old milk
we just fucked in the mcds parking lot
wasnt he a virgin
yes we got celebratory milkshakes after
High enough to fry lime slices.....tasted like shit, by the way
No amount of marijuana is enough to justify blood on my ceiling
Dude found out there's an open bar at the celebration of life thing for my grandma which is at noon. Now I know why I can drink so much
Somehow I've got the party rigged to where I get a foot massage every time someone wants a beer out of the fridge. Hellz yeah
It's pizza for people who hate themselves. I rang the place up once i'd finished and told them if i was on death row it would be my last meal because by the time i'd got half way through it I would be begging to die.
But then I ordered two more because it was 2-4-1 and my life is a mess
What has my life come to that I have to spank someone in morse code?
You guys are like the reason that ketamine is a controlled substance.
Going on a first date tonight...pros: my boobs look amazing. Cons: my abortion isn't until next week.
if it makes you feel any better you looked really comfortable while you were sleepin in the closet, atleast according to the pictures i woke up with on my phone
Got everyone out of my house, somehow managed to put all my lawn furniture back, puked in my sink, and cleaned it up all while black out drunk before my parents came home. Successful night.
Like bruh, I’m a free range girlfriend
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