did I really admit that id have sex with that cougar had I been more drunk?...ugh...i need to masterbate more
so howd the 'mom i only play with condoms' conversation go?
I've heard semen is good for your skin though, so that pimple on my chin should clear right up.
I'm basically sure i was the reason for glitter on his penis
i'm using salt from the free peanuts to stop the bleeding.
quit making up holidays to get me to go drinking with you
googling pictures of Lindsey Lohan so that I know what to wear to court is definitely a low point in my life
She needs sedatives and a leash
the only thing you said was do the helicopter dick
Your roommates will be treating you to many anecdotes about my intentions to have aggressive sex with you. I'm sorry in advance.
What is your friends name that I hooked up with? ....I think j found his credit card under my bed
You start to question your morals when you wake up at 430 and there's three people naked...that you don't no
I just deff did the walk of shame.. His roommate/manager woke us up. A dog scared me on my stumble to the car.
This is why I'm single.
Dude on the shuttle bus eating a Butterfinger and watch porn on his phone and doesn’t give a fuck who knows
We need to get on his level
I expected my Sunday morning walk of shame dressed as a sexy Dorothy would get some scorn, but nobody seems to even care
That’s because it’s 2020. The slutty costume walk of shame is a refreshing reminder of a time when wearing masks and catching communicable diseases was a right of passage, not everyday for the foreseeable future.
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