apparently my drunken alterego is a lazyeyed bisexual.
Any time you start making pro wrestling references before 10 PM I know that I'm breaking up a fight between you and some muscled up frat boy you call Hogan.
Just don't lie down.. Throwing up upwards is NOT cute the second time.
He told me he was 'pondering the natural wonder that is my ass'
Like, dude. I'm already fucking you, you don't need to wax poetic.
Isn't he wasted enough that he might actually mean it and not just be trying to get you to fuck him without a condom?
We lit firecrackers from NYE in the fireplace and he was so passed out that he slept through it.
Great I'll forever be branded as gym slut at the new gym.
Oh my goodness please please please my inner slut needs some pampering, shes getting rusty and nothings worse than a rusty slut
I think mark twain said that originally
I mean, the sex was awesome last weekend, but I didn't even imagine I'd reached ovarian rupture status.
I just climbed out the passenger side of my car because there was a spider on mine. I'm doing adulthood right
you were caressing the jar of pickles then you looked down and whispered to them "I want you inside me"
I am stoned, not wearing a bra, and a woman. There is no way in fuck I am getting on a fucking bus.
I've had sex near too many of the blankets to let our parents touch them like this
I just got back like 5 minutes ago, I have two champagne bottles that I carried with me on the train home and a Dunkin donuts coffee cup full of stolen butter, I've been in a windowless room for the last 6 hours, time does not exist
what is your life
Free champagne that's what
I probably would do him if given the chance but how awkward would Bible study be after that.
Lest it die in the depths of eternal drunken recall denial...we peed in the street. Middle of the street. Simultaneously. Peed. Street. Middle of street.
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