hey im gonna send you a picture of my dinner
if its a picture of your dick again we are no longer friends
you missed a midterm to shack? WOW. How desperate are you?
He was so bad, he was dry humping me and his dick was nowhere close to my vagina.
and then you started talkingabout how you wish birth control was disspensed as a candy necklace
this probably sounds so sketchy, but hes going to jail in a month so he needs a place to crash for now. Hes sick though, and hes paying half our rent
Not sure if you're still doing the whole "sleeping with only one person" thing but if you're not we should sleep together when I get back in town tonight.
He brought me breakfast in bed after our one night stand. Beer and Cheerios I may come back to this place
Everyone was in jail by 10:30. I'd say it was a successful bachelor party.
Straight up asked lady in a lime green jumpsuit how to make your ass clap. That thing wiggled more beautifully than ocean waves at sunset
I got so high that I ate a protein bar while in the shower. I then proceeded to leave half the protein bar and the wrapper on the ledge in my shower. Haha oh well.
I fought a guy last night because he said "extra pulp orange juice is the best orange juice"
You were in the girls bathroom yelling at some random chick because you thought she stole all the urinals. That's why you were kicked out.
Refresh my memory....were we forced to leave or did we choose to leave?
So a bottle of lube exploded all over my softball bag and Nike shirt.
So drinking that old rum that I found in the ceiling of my dorm was prob not my best idea. But good news: my puke was so colorful b/c of all the skittles i ate
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