I think I died a long time ago.
I just won Halloween Walk of Shame Bingo!
Hurricane Sex Time is the only thing iv said since it started.
While we were making out, he kept yelling at me for not coming to his wedding last month.
I think I am calling out of work due to a hangover. I'm 96% sure there ISN'T tampon stuck inside me.
I swear she lies about being allergic to gluten so she'll get all the jack and not have to drink shitty beer like the rest of us
the last thing i remember was the norwegian kid tacking a bag of wine to the ceiling, then boom! shower drain.
This is that think about life weed. Thank god I'm in American lit this semester. I can actually write papers in this vat of introspective stoned.
On my way home from the dentist. Was going to call and see if you would like to wake and bake, then remembered my sister is an adult
I woke up while eating peanut butter from a jar. I don't think I should be social today.
You're his holy grail. The moment he finally gets you to orgasm he'll probably just retire and become a monk.
PS I almost downloaded grindr to see if any guys wanted to buy me chinese food..
I don't want them thinking I'm like, "Mm, yeah, kitchenware in my ass please."
In celebration of finishing my homework, lets drink tea w/ vodka
thank you for the vibrator recommendation, i've come six times today and it's only noon
Randomize