Should I shave my pubes in the shape of a top hat so I can nickname my junk Abe Lincoln?
I could be a Disney star with the amount of nude photos of mine that get leaked.
Someone told me that drinking would get me no where in life. Drinking has gotten me everywhere in life.
It went from "haha, this will be funny" to "full blown anime porn fetish"
Going to bed. I have to wake up early and teach small children. And then have affairs with their fathers. I'm going to get deported.
Found you in the bushes with fireworks, a teacup and no shoes. Decided it was a bad time to wake you.
I was pretending that it wasn't happening. Until we had to roll down the windows as she was vomiting apologies into a Target bag.
False alarm I know hes alive because when i tried shaking him awake he pissed his pants and rolled over..
this speak and spell drinking game will be the death of us all.
I need to be drunk within 15 minutes of getting home tonight.
Put an egg in my coffee filter this morning. I think I am still drunk.
I'm warming McDonald's pies on my heater cause I'm too high for the microwave.
"Masturbate" is an actual item on an actual ToDo list of mine. It is at the top.
Well, personally I like to keep my blackmail in well organised folders.
Just found a handle of Tito's in my TV stand
Can't recall when I put that there, but let's goooo
Randomize
