I overheard a kid saying to his mom at Walmart: "Mommy.. should we buy cups for daddy's spit?"
i signed up to donate 10 dollars a month to help the children that are being displaced in columbia because of the drug wars.. i felt obligated
See, not all bad decisions involve my penis.
No more drinking with Em. She was on the ground so much she looked like she belongs in a lifealert commercial
Either I just got hit on by a 10 year old.girl dressed like a boy or I just got hit on by a midget lesbian. Either way I feel uncomfortable
I was having the most awesome dream about onion rings and you hit me and told me to stop touching you...WTF?
He drunk dialed me at 2am asking if he could put a baby in me.
Guess who just rode home in a cop car?! Your Fav flamingo
Do you think we could brew coffee with beer? I'm thinking a hazelnut Guinnesspresso can only end with pure awesome.
I'm sorry I came to your house drunk and fed pizza to your dog.
He fucking took my shirt off and didn't even touch my boobs. What the actual fuck.
Just set myself on fire a little bit. Made me think of you.
Played never have I ever with high schoolers today. Needless to say they brought up threesomes so I had to make a judgement call and decided to not put my finger down
Well I've consulted some psychics but they keep saying all they hear in my head is screaming and all they see in my future is pool noodles and cheese dip?
i think i passed out for a few seconds while we were having sex but he didnt notice...
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