I molested 6 butterflies tonight
His mom just asked me if I was "fooling around with her baby again" and then when I walked downstairs his dad YELLED "Look who's taking the walk of shame!"
You really need to stop fucking dudes who still live with their parents.
He was actually able to throw up in the bucket from the top bunk. im impressed.
thanks for brining me home and putting me in my bed. the pillow fort your built around me is also appreciated.
I have a feeling this won't be the last time I wake up wrapped in a shower curtain with the words "Blame Bono" spray painted on it
I am not one to point fingers but since it says your name "wuz here" next to the dick drawn on my stomach I am holding you personally responsible.
I just wanna lay in my bed all bundled up as have someone feed me lettuce
It's like shitshowville, population: those girls.
i swear to god if you did anything to my honey bunches ill remove all the oats and shove them up your dickhole then play pinata with my foot to knock them all back out
They invented a new game at work. Its called guess if I'm baked, hungover, drunk, or some combination of the three. Its surprisingly very difficult..
I am witnessing a blind guy whip ass at beer pong
Ugh. It's days like these that make me wish my bad habits would kill me faster
Last time I was blackout at Cowbells I was running around screaming “WHERES THE BLOOOWWWW”
Remind me to never do anything where hiding something in my butt is the best course of action
Every time I see this chick she's swimming naked at a pool party. That's gotta mean something right?
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