So why didn't Edward and the Cullens just kill Hitler?
You need to stop watching Twilight.
we saw you sitting at the door of the dorm trashed, wrapped in DANGER tape with a stolen balloon around your wrist
Who would have sex with her? She looks like she shops at baby gap
Dude, somewhere around here makes 4loko slushies. I just decided coming home isn't so bad.
Okay I woke up in my room, snuggie on, had a water bottle in my hand my tv was on Disney channel and my cigarettes are gone. And I deleted every text in my phone but one that said 'you are absolutely welcome'
I came home ate all of my roomates poptarts and then vommited on her duvet cover. I don't think today is the day to suggest the whole "sex instead of rent money" idea
you say it like running around in your thong wasted is a bad thing
Just had lapdance from stripper that had her 5th kid 28 hours earlier. A for work ethic.
I feel like this is going to result in some sort of tearing in my vagina.
Thats a chance were just gonna have to take
Dude. Remember the only two rules I set for that? Always have a sober friend and don't do drugs with a fat chick.
I will no longer accept nudes from you because I met your boyfriend last night and he seems like a nice guy
I just added a bunch of arbitrary options to my ouija board. Ghosts can now tell me "cheddar," "the homosexual agenda," "the whole foods vegan aisle," or "viable offspring"
New guy at the liquor store was inexplicably fascinated by our huge jug of williams. First he said what are you gonna mix THAT with? and looked confused when I said air.
sitting in the prison waiting room in my boyfriends clothes. looooong story.
No. No. Fuck you! You can do your own grocery shopping.
Randomize
