i think i would be perfectly content if, on my deathbed, i could look back on a life that didn't have any fisting in it
It's like a parade of train wrecks.
we'll go far in life on tits alone.
Well I put her head right through the headboard. Thank god the room was under her name.
I swear if it wasn't for meeting for drug dealers @ gas stations, i would never remember to get gas.
Just sponge bathed with a swissper. Thrush inevitable. Shaking.
I was pretending that it wasn't happening. Until we had to roll down the windows as she was vomiting apologies into a Target bag.
I think I love you, but I may be biased because we had pirate sex.
Wtf are freshmen gonna think when the first thing they see in a pale 6'4 white kid with a mustache yelling ya man and we be liming in a Trinidadian accent
I just really don't even know what I would do with a boyfriend... Like do I just kiss it and then leave it in the corner? Like how often does it eat??
are you just sitting in your hotel room drinking popsicle vodka?
.....well anything sounds bad when you say it like THAT
I'm alittle affraid you might be dead, seeing how your work party is in an hour and you haven't answered me? I mean I'm picturing you 1. Passed out in your car covered in fries or 2. On a boat in a box to Mexico covered in coke. Please let it be number 1. And aren't we going to your work party?
Don't talk to me about lonely until you're eating marshmallows for dinner in your underwear watching House of Cards for 12 hours straight. I hate all you couples
Like, I want sex but I also would be okay with Netflix
The longer the dick, the closer to Jesus when you’re on top.
Randomize
