Beware of calls from Dad. I just had a longer than I would care to admit convo about the ididarod. Apparently it starts tomorrow.
There r osticjed everywhere
He's got a southern drawl and a lisp. I'm getting mindfucked right now.
Please don't be alarmed by the blood on my arms and phone in the morning. It's not mine.
If you ever bitch out on 72oz margarita night again, this friendship is over
sometimes i feel like my only option in life is to be drunk or be a cat. today i am drunk
Nothing says never again like hurling in the shower.
If you're still up for that roadtrip, I managed to end up in Louisiana and could use a ride home.
I would say I miss her friendship, then I remember that she gave 4 guys the clap. I'm good.
He washed his dick in my kitchen sink after sex. I think he might be a keeper.
He said it only counts if it ends up on the internet
Lynn just told me "I heard about your divorce. Condoms or morning pill your choice and I'm buying". Sorry but I got plans now bro.
When we were fucking he called me by his moms name then after we were done told me to call him. He's not receiving a call... What if his mom picks up?
Fun fact: You might be drunk if your vision is so blurry that you almost ask "do you know where my glasses are?" while you're wearing them.
The night got way more interesting after Jimmy started doing summersaults in front of the bar.
Randomize
