So my mouth tastes like dick. Does that explain how our talk went?
I can't believe all I ate yesterday was half a turkey sandwich and 20 finger licks of exctasy.
We were hooking up and you crawled into bed with us, because you had lost your phone and didn't "want to be alone at a time like this."
The tent neighbors already set us on fire w an errant roach. How do you think Bonnaroo's going?!
He's throwing up in my bed and I'm not even getting fucked for this
I have been sober for so long that I miss hangovers... what is happening to this summer?
Russians do not operate on the same level as the rest of us. hoping I wake up tomorrow
Now I know he's not trying to fuck me. He took me to lunch at White Castle.
drunk freshman in the bathroom puking keeps saying "i'm a peasant" over and over
Okay I take that back some girl just said pussy sweat. Get me outta here
SHUT UP I CAN'T HEAR YOU OVER THE SOUND OF UKULELE AND LONLINESS
i hope you're proud of yourself! i just had to ask my boss to put ointment on the rugburn on my back. clothes hurt!
I want a musical about memes.
Fun. You missed it. Michael broke a door with his erection.
His dick is social distance approved
Social distance approved?
big enough for me to fuck from six feet away
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