Talk about awkward... Just went to dinner with my mother and realized I fucked our waiter the night before. She HAD to see the looks he was giving me!
I'm playing the Jersey Shore drinking game by myself at my mom's house. Things like this are not okay after college.
i can tell by the sound of your bed that he isnt that good at sex.
She's pissed. She declared she was moving out and proceeded to pack 3 pairs of shoes, her electric wine opener and ONE sock. Then told us to have fun paying her portion of the rent.
its not like she's the last girl on the planet with symmetrical breasts and great skin
I think I love you, but I may be biased because we had pirate sex.
She has an inverted nipple. She told to play with the normal one until the other one pops up.
Is he gonna be my crazy ex? Cause we weren't even together for as long as my weeklong bicurious lesbian relationship.
I don't know anybody that can get the cops to drive them back to the bar after being pulled out of a tree
it happenes
Nothing like the judgmental looks you get in the bathroom when you still have last night's glowsticks on
I yelled at the cab driver to slow down because my unborn children live here, and pointed to my uterus. I think my message was lost in translation though because he immediately offered me his card...
Just had an orgasim to the Star Spangled Banner so.. it was all worth it.
I need to find a more reliable booty-call so I can start dating people and take it slow.
I'm pretty sure I have PMS because I almost just cried about not being able to find a place that gives acrobat classes here.
Remind me to never do anything where hiding something in my butt is the best course of action
Randomize
